Is it possible for women to have what they want in life? An article published in The Atlantic sparked controversy last summer when writer Annie-Marie Slaughter asserted that no, they can't. She found it impossible to perfectly balance her high-powered job with her home life raising two kids alongside her husband. But does this apply to all of us?
"I think having it all is an airbrushed and overbearing concept," says Dowling. "There are millions of women thinking they are to blame if they don't rise to the top of the corporate ladder as fast as men, if they don't have the family and if they don't have an active home life."
Want to learn more? Check out the video above!
Debi Berndt: Can you imagine just sitting in your apartment for even ten minutes without your TV on, without your Facebook, without your cellphone, and just being quiet -
Melanie Gorman: Yes, I can.
Melanie Gorman: There’s lots in the media about what it takes for women to be successful in the workplace. But there’s also this question about balancing their feminine and masculine energy. So what do you think it actually takes for a woman to be successful?
John Gray: Well again, how do you define success? That’s the biggest issue. That’s what women are writing to me all the time at marsvenus.com. It’s the biggest show which is “can women have it all?”. And from my point of view women can have it all but not at the same time. You know? Why do we have to have it all now? You know, I live with this- my wife of 28 years, she has it all. She has a husband who works hard. She works hard sometimes, then she has kids. Then suddenly she’s working part-time. When she’s breastfeeding she’s not working at all. Then she starts working part-time. Kids grow up. She’s working full-time. Kids have babies. Now she’s working part-time work. She’s grandmother part-time. You know, it’s a big life. We have to think of a hundred years, you know? Do we have to do everything now? And yes, some people do want to do it all. That’s their choice. And for those people who want it all now you can still have it all but you don’t have to do it all. So you have to become really good at delegating responsibility. You have to be really good at learning how to ask for help, ask for support and create partnerships in your life so you can have the support so you can do it all- so you can have it all. But you have other people to help you do it all.
LiYana Silver: I agree and also want say, to take a turn, that without- I like to say, if a woman can have her masculine essence in service of her feminine then we’re talking. Meaning if your feminine essence is why you do it and the ways that you’re passionate and your big “why” or big possibility, most of us are disconnected from that, and then our masculine essence is getting it done. And if our masculine essence can be in service to our “why” and to our inspiration then you have a lot leftover when you’re done with your work day.
Melanie Gorman: What does that practically look like?
LiYana Silver: You know it can be even a visual reminder. Like this is the person, this is the client I’m serving. Or this is the greater inspiring message that we’re working for. I see it every day. That means “well, I’m emailing” or “I’m going to another meeting”, it’s less soul-sucking and over- like over-working me, ‘cause it’s still connected to something that’s juicing me up.
Debi Berndt: And I agree with that. I also think that uh, people have this idea of success that we define it as you know, reaching a certain level on the corporate ladder or making a certain amount of money or getting married or having kids and what happens is women place their worth on those things instead of being just satisfied with who they are. And the imbalance in the masculine/feminine is the masculine wanting to do, do, do and denying the feminine and they’re kind of chasing the carrot. And they forget why they even went- the thing they want in the first place and they feel really out of balance and really drained and what’s happening is they’re not going inside and saying what is really important to me, what is my whole life? Is success also being with someone I love-
John Gray: Yes, yes.
Debi Berndt: and actually having a peaceful life and having, you know, space in my day for me? You know?
John Gray: Time.
Debi Berndt: Yes.
John Gray: What I see is like women that need to value- that’s their most important thing, and men don’t think about that. Men are thinking “money” and women civilize men by saying “Wait a second, you can’t work all the time. I need your attention, our family needs your attention.” and that helps make, bring them back to balance. And when women are out of balance men are lost.
Debi Berndt: Yeah, well I think a lot of times we get into that overdrive because we’re just wanting to be distracted. And we feel uncomfortable just being alone with ourself. And can you imagine just sitting in your apartment for even ten minutes without your TV on, without your Facebook, without your cellphone, and just being quiet -
Melanie Gorman: Yes, I can.
Debi Berndt: Well, maybe you can.
John Gray: You imagine it!
Melanie Gorman: I fantasize about that.
John Gray: It’s a fantasy, it’s a fantasy.
Debi Berndt: I swear in five minutes your mind will be like “oh, I should check my email, I should do this” -
Melanie Gorman: Yeah, yeah.
Debi Berndt: And we just have this, we’re now, we have available all over that we just don’t have that space any more and so we’re filling up our lives with things that don’t mean anything.
Tammy Nelson: I also think it’s really hard to be a working mother.
Melanie Gorman: Amen to that.
Tammy Nelson: If I’m with my kids I feel guilty I’m not working more and if I’m working I feel guilty I’m not with my kids. And that’s a common dilemma for parents, particularly women. Every working mother I know feels that way and will feel that way throughout the lifetime of their children.
John Gray: And people are trying to tell women not to feel guilty. And my thing is listen to your feelings. It’s so important for women to listen to their feelings and go into it and start doing more of what they feel good about. When you do what you feel good about then you’re doing what you were saying about doing the juice of life, you know? You can’t just be getting lost in the world where men are lost. I mean women really bring out the best in men but when women become too much like men we’re all lost.
Tammy Nelson: Well I agree but also think I feel great being with my kids and I feel great being at work.
John Gray: Yeah, but when you feel guilty-
Tammy Nelson: So it’s a challenge.
John Gray: But you gotta find the balance and how do you know the balance point is what makes me feel good. You have to find that within yourself but today there’s so much pressure on women that you should be making more money, you should be getting to the top, why aren’t women getting through the glass ceiling? I asked the women who are way up there, close, “why didn’t you take this opportunity?” and they basically said “look, I’m making well over a hundred grand a year, why do I need to work so much? I value time at this point more than the money”. And I think women feel like “if I do that, if I push through that ceiling then I have to sacrifice my family”-
Melanie Gorman: Absolutely.
Tammy Nelson: And men feel like “if I push through that to get successful then I’m sacrificing for my family”.
John Gray: That’s the distinction. So we feel like we’re having it all if we have a happy wife. You know sometimes men- women are saying “gee, men have it all”. Well men aren’t being with their children but when you have a happy wife and she’s with your children a man feels like I’m with my children because I’m providing for her and my family so that sense of being there. But a woman has a deeper connection, or a different connection I might want to say. She wants to be in that presence and from my point of view those children need her to be in their presence particularly when they’re young.
Melanie Gorman: Yeah, I think this is an incredibly complicated question. If you’re women like me come watch this video again because the answers are in here but you gotta work at it.
The couple was enjoying a lovely dinner not long after their quickie wedding in 2009 when they decided to get crazy and hit up the local tattoo parlor. Now, they each sport the other's initials in cursive on their hands. "It’s special to me, which is why I believe it’s worth it when it symbolizes something or someone that is important to you," Khloe said of the gesture.
Unfortunately, the romance ended when Khloe filed for divorce in December 2013 after finding out about Lamar's cheating.
The controversial on-again-off-again couple have a matching trail of stars down their neck. Chris shot down rumors of a battered Rihanna tattoo. And as for RiRi, she's just a fan of body art. "I like hanging out in tattoo shops," she's said. "I am so intrigued by tattoos. It's an entire culture, and I study it."
The two are currently off and probably will stay that way. Rihanna has added more stars that extend to her shoulder blade.
While I'm all for honoring someone's life, Bobbi Kristina and husband/step-brother Nick Gordon perhaps went overboard with their matching wrist tattoos, which have the initials "WH" in honor of her (their?) late mother Whitney Houston. They were supposedly married last January, but after Bobbi Kristina was found unconcious in a bathtub at her Roswell home, her father Bobby Brown, revealed that the two were not actually married.
No one knew they were dating when they announced they were in love. The two sport matching black stars on their cheeks. The two broke up in November 2012, but were apparently engaged after Deadmau5 proposed to her over Twitter (how romantic). But it was not meant to be as the two officially called it quits in 2013.
Jay and Bey are music royalty as far as the world's concerned, so when they each got the roman numeral IV drawn on their ring fingers back in 2007, no one even batted an eyelash. In fact, that number has a lot of significance for the couple. "We all have special numbers in our lives, and four is that for me," Beyonce has said. "It’s the day I was born, my mother’s birthday, and a lot of my friends’ birthdays are on the fourth; April 4 is my wedding date."
The two are still going strong after the birth of Blue Ivy in 2012 and another baby along the way. They truly are a power couple.
The two got tattoos of each other’s names - Amy’s on her lapel and Blake’s behind his ear. The couple was married in 2007. But their marriage was not without controversy, especially with their reported drug use. They later on divorced in 2009. It was speculated that Amy was in the works of getting her “Blake” tattoo removed before her unexpected passing in 2011.
The couple met in 2008 and got tattoos of each other’s first initial, believing their love to last forever, but soon broke up in 2006. Evan began dating Marilyn Manson for some time before they too broke up. She got back together with Jamie and the two married in 2010. It should have been a happy ending. But, alas, it was not meant to be as they split up again, in good terms for the sake of their son, in 2014.
The couple married in 2008. Probably believing that they were going to last forever, they had decided to get matching tattoos. Mariah declared her married status with a "Mrs. Cannon" tattoo on her lower back, and Nick was marked with a huge "Mariah" on his back. Sadly, the couple split up in 2014 and filed for divorce. Nick covered up his "Mariah" tattoo with a crucifix
The football player and former Spice Girl married in 1999. While Victoria dons a simple “DB” on her wrist, David really wants to tell the world of his love for his wife. He not only has one, but two tattoos! One with Victoria’s name on his hand that he got in 2013. The other is a photo of Victoria wearing lingerie that he got in 2007. Talk about declaration of love!
Although the couple’s marriage in 2014 was full of controversy due to Sheenae’s young age, the two are still clearly in love. So in love that they had each other’s names tattooed to the back of their ears. It’s still a fairly new marriage, so we’ll see what happens in the next few years.
The actress and the basketball star married in 2007 and got matching tattoos their wedding date on their wrists. They also have inks of Tony’s jersey number (“nine”), Eva’s on the back of her neck and Tony’s on his hand. Their marriage seemed to last forever, until they divorced in 2011 after Eva accused Tony of cheating on her with a teammate’s wife.
Everyone thought they were going to last forever, and so did they. They even got tattoos of their favorite Theodore Roosevelt quote on their arms (nothing says romance than a pep talk from one of our country’s beloved past president). Liam’s arm has the first part of the quote "If he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly" and Miley’s has the second "So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."But we guess even ol' Pres. Roosevelt could not keep the two together as they eventually called off their engagement.
After getting engaged in 2010, the couple got matching sanskrit tattoos of the phrase “Go With The Flow.” Alas, after being married for 14 months, the two eventually divorced. Guess each other’s flow wasn’t much to go with.
The couple has been dating for a year, but a week ago, they posted their new matching skull and crossbone tattoos Instagram. It looks like the two are going strong, if their cute couple photos on Instagram are an indication. Fingers crossed that they stay that way!
Right after dating, the duo had each other’s nicknames tattooed on their fingers — "Amb" on Khalifa and "Cam" on Amber. After the birth of their son, the two married in 2013 and seemed to live in happy marriage bliss… until Amber filed for divorce in 2014. It seemed like the love and affection they had was replaced by accusations and bitterness. However, just a few weeks ago, the two were spotted going to an Easter party with their son and being very affectionate. Looks like those tattoos are not quite a regret yet.