This stage happens when all the to-do lists of life come toppling into the relationship and before you know it, conversations are focused on things like who's doing the laundry, your boss, or the crazy mother-in-law. During the burying stage, other things—like, oh, life—begin to encroach on your beautiful oasis of a relationship. Burying is not always bad; it's a sign that the relationship is real and weaves into your everyday existence. The important thing to remember here is to "unbury" yourselves. Take tango lessons, go relive your first date, go have sex in public, buy some sex toys, tie yourselves up to bedposts, grab the whips ... Do something that allows real life to take a break and the gentle, sweet intimacy to resurface, bringing us to the next stage.
Resurfacing is the stage where you turn to your partner, and say to yourself, "Wow. I forgot how hot he is," or "She is stunning," or "I love him so much." Resurfacing is the resolution of a relationship: "She is a mixed bag, but so am I." "He sits on the toilet for an hour reading comics, but I pluck my chin hairs." And you start thinking things like: "I can't wait for our next date." "I can't believe I have such a sweet person in my life, who always has my back." It can be triggered by a massive problem that you two resolved, a great date, an especially good night of sex, almost losing the other person, or good couples therapy. Anything can jolt us awake; maybe a death in the family or even a birth. And then we hit the last stage.
This is what it's really all about, right? The part where we look across the dinner table, fight over the remote, or go on a great trip to Chinatown and think ... "Oh, I have it really good." "I am blessed." "I love him/her more than I could ever imagine." Here, the sex is (usually) better than it has ever been. True love blossoms around year five. The rest is a rotation—sometimes rapid and sometimes slow—of the other stages.
Zoe Hicks, LMFT