Once again we'll use the example of Mike and Jessica as we explain the remaining steps.
STEP SIX- THE INJURED PARTNER IS IN SUPPORTIVE THERAPY FOR HERSELF
Jessica must have a safe place to begin to heal as she is reeling in all kinds of emotional directions. The swings can include devastation, hurt, betrayal, thoughts of "What's wrong with me? Why me?", feelings of humiliation, being duped and stupid, not being sure of herself and realizing the relationship she once thought was one way----wasn't. Jessica has to be patient with herself. Every person is different. There is no timeline for when Jessica will work through her feelings. The internal/external pressure Jessica does not want to put on herself is when will I be through this. Nobody likes to be in emotional pain. Everyone's pace is different when working through emotional pain. The longer you judge yourself not being through this. The longer it takes.
WORKING IN COUPLES THERAPY- THE DO'S AND DON'TS
STEP SEVEN- THE INJURING PARTY IS ABSOLUTELY OPEN TO ALL QUESTIONS THE INJURED PARTY HAS
Part of the healing process for Jessica is to ask all the questions around the infidelity. I have found there are two main reasons for these questions.
1. As I previously stated, Jessica now feels stupid and duped. She doesn't want to feel that way again.
2. Jessica's intuition has been compromised. There were times that Jessica's intuition told her something didn't feel right. That maybe something
was going on. She may have asked Mike "are you seeing someone?" or question some behavior from Mike that was odd or suspicious. Mike
lied about it and/or chastised Jessica for being crazy. When Mike gives Jessica the answers to the questions it fills in gaps for her. Most
importantly, it restores Jessica's confidence in her own intuition ( "I was right then. Something was going on. Your behavior was suspicious.
I wasn't stupid or crazy.")
Note- I inform the men (women if reversed) about the importance of asking the questions. It's important that they have patience for this. If you're complaining about how long will this take. The longer it takes. Remember get in that person's shoes. You would be feeling the same way.
STEP EIGHT- (THIS IS A HARD ONE FOR THE INJURED PARTY)- NO EXPLICIT SEXUAL INTIMACY QUESTIONS