I believe we choose to have people in our lives as they choose to have us in theirs. We choose to have our partner; our children; extended family; friends. Inherent in that choice is I care about you. You are important to me. I want you in my life. The demonstration of the notion of "sense of other" is that wherever I'm at; whatever I'm doing. Wether the people I care about are present or not. When I make a choice to say or do something. What goes into that choice is. Will this choice or action have any negative impact on those I care about. If so I won't do or say it. Not because I'm afraid I'll hear about it; I'll catch shit for it. Because I care about the people I've chosen to have in my life.
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Some men when they hear this concept think they're being controlled;can't do what I want. I say then go live by yourself. You chose to have these people in your life. You say they're important to you.So how is considering them controlling you? Grow up.
STEP FIVE- TOTAL COMMITMENT TO TRANSPARENCY IN THE PROCESS
Step Five is all about transparency; it's about Mike (you) willingly and openly sharing the changes he has been making (in other words, his work) from steps 3 and 4.
What's important here is that Mike is not being transparent just to get Jessica to trust him again. Transparency is also good for Mike, whether he stays with Jessic or not.
NEWS FLASH: Steps 3 and 4 are what most women want in a relationship even without infidellty.
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Mike's changes will only be permanent if he is doing this for himself. These changes are the only safeguard from the typical men's "just tell me what to do to fix the problem". The same applies to you. The changes you make will only be permanent if you are doing them for yourself, and not trying to, "fix the problem".
Remember that most men tend to backslide into old behavior within months of practicing, "fix the problem" mentality. When guys do this, women get really pissed. Women experience backsliding as another trust violation and it makes women question their partner's sincerity. When this happens, women resume their process of disengaging from the relationship ( that means eventually the relationship will end). Don't kid yourself, guys, she may still get up in the morning and do the routine things, but it's not resolved for her. The relationship is in jeopardy of ending. Most women leave relationships over time. Usually it's not something big or dramatic that ends it. It's something little one day and a click goes on inside their head and the relationship is over.
ARE THE FIRST FIVE STEPS OVERWHELMING?
I'm not going to sugar-coat it: recovering from an infidelity is hard work, and there are no assurances that the relationship can survive such a breach of trust.
I can assure you the changes you will undergo will benefit you in all of your closest relationships.
Take a breath, do the work and check out our next post.