While most of us have only seen them on television, sometimes funerals veer into melodramatic histrionics. An inconsolable mama yells, "take me instead, God!" Vin Diesel vows revenge while clenching his fists in an unseasonable southern California downpour. And a distraught widow has to be held back lest she take a header into the casket hole. Periodically, that widow arrives at the grave sometime later, is behind the wheel and has consumed enough booze to breath-start a Boeing 787 Dreamliner.
Per Gothamist, a woman with a 0.24 blood alcohol level "allegedly"* crashed her car into a graveyard containing the mortal remains of her beloved mobbed-up boyfriend. The woman, alleged to be driving a 2001 Chrysler Sebring, left her car hanging precariously over a fresh yet open grave in the Moravian Cemetery in the New Dorp neighborhood of New York's famous Staten Island. The deceased boyfriend, Frank Fresca, was murdered in 2008 and his death is allegedly tied to his cooperation with the FBI in regard to another murder. It should be noted that authorities can't prove she was aiming for his final resting spot but let's not let that ruin the narrative.
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While all seasoned drinkers have flirted with the old DUI demarcation line, three times the standard 0.08 limit is a pretty incredible feat. My experiences with a Blood Alcohol Content north of 0.20 have resembled Johnny Depp's use of ether as an intoxicant in Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas; i.e. like a village drunkard in an early Irish novel. The idea of getting a key into an ignition, either in the literal sense or in the R. Kelly sense, seems incredibly alien to me in that liquid of states. Obviously, when the rest of us lose a loved one it's tough but you can guess that the trauma of a murder is an incredibly high hurdle to permanently clear. I suppose we can all be glad that his remains weren't stored in the Staten Island Mall.
I shouldn't have to remind anyone of this, but let's lay off texting while driving too. Especially if you're upset.
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*Note: I'm never sure where and when to emphasize allegations.
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