There's only one drawback to having the best sex of your life: The sex that comes after. Part of having more than one relationship over the course of your life is experiencing what intimacy is like with this partner or that one. And you can't help but compare. It's natural — but is the shadow of past-tense sex enough to ruin you for future partners?
I came across a post on a blog this weekend, in which a 33-year-old woman wrote in to a popular blogger who goes by "Moxie." This woman was concerned that her current boyfriend just wasn't measuring up to her last lover in the sex department. She'd been previously seeing a guy on and off in a noncommitted relationship for years. Things with him had been super hot and stayed hot because they only saw each other occasionally. How hot? Six to 12 orgasms per session. Yeah. That hot.
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She really cares for her current boyfriend. She sees a future with him. And yet, the steamy memory of her former lover looms. Her new boyfriend tries hard and she often "ends up" enjoying herself, though she only eeks out about, meh, 1-2 orgasms, 3 on a good night. It doesn't help, she says, that her current boyfriend is decidedly less endowed than her former FWB.
Moxie doesn't mince words (love her for that). She writes,
"I think the first thing you need to do is grow up. Listening to women brag about all the 'amazing' sex they have makes me cringe. Hate to break it to you, but committing to someone involves a series of trade-offs."
She later defended her sharp-edged advice on Twitter, saying that "Women who hold out for fireworks, butterflies, and mind blowing sex have seen too many movies."
I disagree. What's sold to us whole hog by the movie industry is the idea that True Love is Perfect and Lasts Forever — something we can all agree is a dangerous and disappointing idea. But can love be smoldering hot at the start? Absolutely. I believe in fireworks and butterflies. It IS possible to have someone wow you. But settling for something less than fantastic, especially at the outset, is a recipe for disaster.
Read the rest on HowAboutWe: Can An Amazing Ex-Lover Ruin You For Future Sex?
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