What A Tool
"One night I hooked up with a guy I met online. We'd been on a few dates, but it was the first time I'd seen his apartment. He seemed so normal, but when I got back to his place I realized he was a legit pack rat. He had tools and screws and pieces of wood lying around everywhere. I decided it was manly so we got on with things. The next morning at 5 am, I woke up with a bright light shining in my face. It turns out he had rigged up this system with a light on a timer to simulate the rising of the sun. I later found out he also had a makeshift washing machine in his bathtub. I guess it was cool, but I felt like I was going out with that little inventor kid, Data, from The Goonies." — Amy
"I'd been on two dates with this guy when he started telling me how much he wanted to make me dinner on our third date. Nice, right? Well, the whole next week he sent me pictures of all the meals he'd prepared for himself. There was one with a steak that had a grayish/purple glisten to it, and another with spaghetti and garlic sprinkled on Wonder Bread. To drink? Always a glass of Scotch and a HUGE glass of milk. I nearly got diarrhea just from looking at the pics. I never made it on that third date. I feel bad, but I was just worried I'd get stuck all the way out in his neighborhood without a bottle of Imodium A-D." — Danielle
"My Name Is Chuck. Up Chuck."
"I got puked on. Yep, that’s pretty much all that needs to be said. It was this dude, Lorenzo, who was a real tough guy from Queens. He insisted we do shots, and he wasn't much of a conversationalist, so I figured it was a pretty good idea. We're going shot for shot when all of a sudden he gets this weird expression on his face. He looks down and vomits all over the foot of the bar. It splattered up and covered my feet. I really did'’t think we'd exchange that type of bodily fluid on the first date.” — Paola
Which One Of Us Has PMS?
"I went on a first date on Valentine's Day. Yes, I realize now that's never a good idea, but that year I just wanted to do something. We met up at a restaurant and the guy was really cute, so everything seemed to be in order. Then we sat down and he started looking around the restaurant at all the women with roses and bouquets of flowers. He began telling me how much he loves freshly cut flowers, and he was sad he didn't get any that year. Then he fell into a weird funk and became moody the rest of the meal. Was I supposed to run out and get him some roses?! I quickly imagined a life together where I'd have to spoon him and tell him how beautiful he looked. I wasn't feeling it. Oh, other red flags: he mentioned that his favorite celebrities were Macaulay Culkin and Michael Jackson." — Heather
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