31 Funny Love Quotes From Comedians Who Totally Get You

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Because love is funny strange, but it's also funny ha-ha.

22. "My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning." — Ray Romano

23. "I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early." — Jack Benny

24. "Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand." — Unknown

25. "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." — Billy Crystal

26. "Women love a self-confident bald man." — Larry David

27. "Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them." — Bill Maher

28. "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." — Jackie Mason

29. "Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris

30. "Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." — Phyllis Diller

31. "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." — Erma Bombeck

 

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