Some ladies are too busy chasing men and they often end up broken-hearted or worse...
In my line of work as a dating/relationship coach, I come across time and again how women can't just sit back and relax and let guys lead the whole process of courtship as I believe nature intends us to do. Women get impatient and insecure very quickly and they don't realize how controlling, pushy and unattractive their vibe is to the guys who actually found them attractive in the beginning. A lot of them even act psychotic by practically stalking the guys with repeated texts, phone calls, unannounced visit to their houses, etc.
Does that sound familiar to yourself?
Remember the last time you just couldn't help but obsessing about a guy you are so attracted to? How did it work for you?
Right. He ran for the hills and you never heard back from him (there are ways to reverse the situation if you have done all the mistakes that not only you'll fix the broken relationship but also inspire him to move it to the next level of commitment, here's how).
Bottom line is guys don't like to be chased even if at first they really liked you. But you are so fearful that you think the only way to keep him close is by hounding him.
No, men are like pigeons: when you just sit back and relax with the inviting feminine energy you are naturally gifted with, they will come and flock to eat out of your hand. What an apt and beautiful analogy that is, right?
Many women love to chase because it activates their brain center that is telling them they are in love and the great highs that come from that feeling in love. Often though, women fall head over heels in love with their IDEA of the man or his POTENTIAL, not the real him. This is also why once the man is "caught" many women lose that feeling of "crazy in love" that is induced by the uncertainty. Once they feel safe, the highs wane and they think they are no longer in love or boredom sets in. In my opinion, this is the background why it is mostly women who file for divorce.
Guys might be slow in the beginning, but once they go through the initial resistance of committing, they get comfortable and are settling in the relationship only to find their women don't fancy them as much anymore as the time when they hadn't committed and had to be "chased."
Women who are chasers are thrill seekers. They are not going to be stable enough to stay in any relationship. And very likely they are also emotionally unavailable. That's why they always tend to chase or pine for emotionally unavailable or emotionally distant men. Keep Reading...
So if you find yourself chasing guys after guys, the likelihood is you are not as ready for a relationship as you believe you are and you have passed many decent guys who will be great partners to you but whose only sins are that they are too easy for you. They are not a challenge to you, thus they don't activate that sense of uncertainty in your brain that tells you, "I'm in love!"
Many Women Mess the Courtship by Getting Anxious, Impatient, Needy, Clingy and Controlling: His eagerness, or OVER-eagerness to be precise, to establish constant communication be it in the forms of texting, calling (especially calling), facebooking (liking his comments, pictures, status updates, commenting on his status updates, pictures, private-messaging him and writing on his wall left and right), emailing or any means of initiating contact in any way, shape or form is a romance killer.
It interrupts in the process of him pursuing, investing and working for your love and affection. He might like your attention and easiness for a millisecond before he starts seeing that he doesn't need to do anything to gain your approval. You'll be there for him willy-nilly.
You are disrupting the courting process because now you are no longer behind him and let him lead but you are ahead of him. He doesn't only lose the motivation and incentives to do anything to win your heart, he loses the attraction too. And it sucks for you too because now you are over-investing in a guy who is fading.
And the vicious cycle continues. (Hence, most "emotionally unavailable men" aren't really emotionally unavailable, you most probably make them so!)
You chase him some more, he's vanishing and vanishing, until one day he just disappears into thin air (don't despair if he has disappeared, you can still get him back).
Most guys don't realize this themselves. That's why when you ask them, they always say they like women who initiate. Of course they do! It makes everything easy and less complicated for them and it's flattering to the ego but whether this spark intense animal attraction in them on the primal level is a totally different issue.
Don't fall for this.
The first instinct for human beings—men or women, is not to work for anything they want in life but we all have first hand experience how much we value things we have to work for. When we invest and have a stake in something, we are emotionally more involved in its rise and downfall. So it's a "romanceticide" to make yourself too readily available to a guy because it decreases your value in his eyes. Keep Reading...
Let him have a stake in you by "playing hard to get." Only give and do as much as he does. Don't get ahead of him for your own protection.
You will want to know more of this: Seven Deadly Tips To Build Attraction Through Texting
Three Ways To Stop Obsessing About A Guy: Believe me I know how it feels when you are hooked on a man. We become so unsteady and in need of constant reassurances to make sure that he still feels the same way he did three days ago, when we just spent a fabulous weekend together. Yes especially after a period of intimacy, we are bathed in oxytocin that makes us feel bonded to him.
This is how a man and a woman differ. After a period of intimacy most guys need to "regroup" and reclaim their independence and autonomy. They loved the closeness hence they were showering us with affection but when it became too much they would need to go back to their caves to restore their testosterone level so they can solve problems, focus on and accomplish their life goals again.
However for us, we become so vulnerable and we want more of it! We keep replaying what he did or say a few days ago and we want more of them. We start wondering if he's feeling the same way we are now, if he's thinking about us, what he's doing and with whom, when he's going to call us again and ask us out again, or take us out on another weekend getaway/trip.
On and on and on...we just can't shut up and shut down those gremlins in our head. (Sign up for my Leaning Back And Cultivating Feminine Mystique Workshop to learn more)
And you know sooner or later you're going to have to act on the thoughts that persist the most. What you focus on expands. If we focus on our longing, we will feel more and more love-struck and like a druggist, you will need your next fix and you want it now! That's how you start the path of a destructive emotional tailspin that becomes a vicious cycle of you chasing and him pulling away until he's no longer available to entertain your sick obsession. Keep Reading...
So, if you want to let everything unfold organically and naturally in the way that benefits you, follow these rules:
- The more you are attracted to a guy, the more you must have other options to tame the gremlins in your head. In other words, as long as he hasn't claimed you, date around. Spread your psychic energy and don't close off yourself from being available to other guys. Limited options and especially Oneitis too early in the game, will only make you want to cling more and that is not what a high-value woman behaves.
- Find yourself a source of emotional satisfaction other than guys or relationship. In other words use up that excessive masculine energy in you to accomplish things that boost your self-esteem instead of chasing him. Be excited about the other aspects of your life, NOT ONLY when he's in it. Get a hobby, a meaningful project or improve your financial life that will make you so focused on wholesome activities that not only are going to take your mind off him but also give you the financial independence and retirement plan. I'm so consumed with the work I am doing myself (this program gets me to where I am financially), there virtually is no time for me to worry about anything!
- Meditate and learn to be mindful and in the moment by selecting your thoughts and not dwelling on thoughts that bring you to the past, or the future, or the fantasy, daydreaming and wishful thinking about him. Self-hynosis really helps too. I used to do it each time I was feeling small and shaky. The more grounded you are in the present, the more calm and secure you will feel and the more magnetizing you are to any man. And this Journey Inward group coaching that I hold will also help you raise your vibrations so you can keep your anxiety in check and become a high-value woman that men seek for commitment.
Should I Play Hard To Get? And If So, How?
Playing hard to get is not what you think it is. There are ways to do it the correct way that will increase your value in his eyes. Click here to learn more. And if you want to become a man magnet and unravel the secret to attraction in the male mind that I have uncovered, get on this program today. This is the one small investment you will cherish forever because your life will never be the same again.
Last but not least: Here's How To Seduce A Man Without Chasing Him
See What My Book Reader Has To Say About Chasing Men