C'mon... don't be shy...
Have you always wanted to try S&M, bondage, voyeurism, or other "taboo" sex acts? These topics can be hard to bring up with your partner. What if he or she thinks it's weird and gets turned off?
But if you're in a loving and trusting relationship, the worst that could happen is your partner will say no — and you'll move on with your lives. It's better to take a risk and tell your partner what you really want than to keep your desires hidden and unsatisfied.
With that said, here are some tips for safely and effectively introducing less mainstream sex acts into your bedroom. Hey, it's only taboo until you've tried it.
1. Start outside the bedroom.
Our sexpert friends at Em & Lo — authors of 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner's Guide to Kink — say the best time to broach a kinky topic is outside the bedroom. Try bringing up the subject when you're out on a date. Do it over a few glasses of wine, if you need to.
"That way, there's less pressure on the person you're asking. It's not like you're saying you want to try this right now; it's just an idea for future exploration."
2. Make sure the conversation is a dialogue.
It takes two to tango. Em & Lo suggest starting the conversation by saying, "You know what I've always been curious about?" And if that goes well, make sure to ask your partner, "What's something you've always wanted to try?" Involve your partner in the conversation, rather than just reciting your needs.
3. Keep things general at first.
Rather than jumping into the deep end with super-specific scenarios, which might initially be overwhelming, Em & Lo suggest starting general.
"Make it a conversation about your fantasies, and if the conversation goes well, you can start to talk about making those fantasies come true," they said.
4. Talk things through in advance.
This helps because you'll both know what you're comfortable with. You don't want to take any kink or spontaneity out of the actual act, but some acts require a bit more preparation and education.
Em & Lo wisely say, "Using a blindfold is fairly self-explanatory, but wielding a flogger or whip requires some studying up." So figure out what you want to try and hit the books.
5. Choose a safe word.
If you're still a bit nervous, choose a "safe word" together, which you or your partner can use to mean it's time to stop. It should be a word that neither of you would ever actually say during sex. Perhaps "red light." Or, as Em & Lo suggest, "Crack is wack."
6. Don't judge.
What if your partner brings up a sexual taboo with you?
"Don't judge, don't laugh, and don't hide under the table in fear!" Em & Lo advise. "Remember, there's more than one way to fulfill a fantasy. If you don't like the sound of the fantasy your partner suggests, instead of shutting him or her down completely, suggest an alternative that would work for you."
Remember that sex should take you out of your comfort zone. Do you really want to be doing it in the same position for the next several decades?
Trying new things activates hidden pleasure centers in our brains we wouldn't otherwise tap into. And believe it or not, even though it may be uncomfortable at first, exploring taboos together is a great way to bring you closer together as a couple.