Question from Colin B.: I’m very territorial about my property and am very particular about the fact that no one looks at texts and e-mails on my phone, including my girlfriend. She and I just got into a fight over this issue, and she’s calling me paranoid. Am I taking my privacy too far?
Answers from Our Love Experts:
Tristan Coopersmith, Love Stylist: There is a big difference between giving your girlfriend carte blanche access to your personal belongings and her snooping. Snooping undermines trust, while giving access builds it. By being territorial, you’re telling your girlfriend you have something to hide and don’t trust her – and these two things are not good foundational elements to a healthy relationship.
So ask yourself: do you have something to hide? And do you distrust her? If you answer yes to one or both questions, this relationship needs help. If you answered no to both, then I recommend working on your own issues of vulnerability, which you are calling territorialism, so that you can create space in your relationship for trust and true connection to blossom. Good luck!
Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker: No one should ever go through their significant other’s phone without asking them first. It’s just a matter of respecting each other’s privacy. If your girlfriend is snooping through your phone because she doesn’t trust you, then that’s a sign you have an unhealthy relationship.
Now, that being said, I would question why you’re making such a big deal about it. If you would prefer she not touch your phone, then just explain it to her. Don’t get into a huge fight over something so trivial. Blowing it out of proportion like you have only makes her think you’re hiding something.
Paige Wyatt, Reality Star: You are not taking your privacy too far. It’s important to have some boundaries and it’s also important to be sure that you two have your own lives. If you don’t, your relationship could suffer. Keeping your phone private is not being paranoid, it’s just you keeping your space. Your girlfriend may not understand this so she’s most likely thinking there’s something sketchy going on and unless you’ve given her reason to feel this way, it’s something she is going to have to figure out how to deal with. Help her if you can, but don’t give in, it will set a bad precedent.
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