13 Ways To Revive Intimacy In A Long-Term Relationship

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13 Ways To Revive Intimacy In A Long-Term Relationship
Three YourTango Experts share how to bring emotional and sexual closeness back to your relationship.

2. Get closer by sharing a new experience together. Sharing a new experience gives us the opportunity to express our feelings about something novel together. That openness can then carry over into conversations about sex and intimacy. Take a cooking class or a couples massage class. Arrange for a private yoga lesson. Explore something new so that you can get back to exploring each other.

3. Bring sexy back! Forget about the few extra pounds you've gained or the new dimples in your thighs—bring back your sexy self! Ladies, take the time to find the right clothing or lingerie to highlight your body's best features. Spend a little time on your hair, and get a mani/pedi. Guys, wear her favorite cologne and get a fresh haircut. A little effort goes a long way in rekindling the flame!


Susan Campbell's tips:

1. Remember what first attracted you to each other. When couples come to me for coaching, I often ask them to tell me the story of how they met. Have a conversation where you share what drew you to each other in the beginning. Each person should take a turn reminiscing about how things felt when they were first discovering one another and falling in love.

2. Clearing the air, so you're really present. When couples have been together for awhile, little conflicts tend to get swept under the proverbial carpet—where they can't be seen. The only trouble is, these unseen, un-aired issues can linger in your mind and make it hard for you to be present. Invite your partner to do a clearing session where both of you get uninterrupted time to speak about anything you have been reluctant to bring up or have put off bringing up because you were waiting for the right time.

3. Gaze, touch, speak softly. Many of us did not bond very well with our parents or early caregivers—so we tend to become defensive or walk around with our guard up. But did you know that as adults, you can help one another heal insecure attachment and develop that secure "I am loved" feeling that's usually associated with healthy early bonding? Research in adult attachment has shown that the things that help babies feel safe and secure—soft, loving gazes, nurturing touch, and soothing voice tones—are the same things that help partners become "securely attached." So, whenever you sense that your partner is stressed or upset, offer reassuring touch, words of support in a soothing tone of voice, or gaze at your partner with love in your eyes.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Susan Campbell

Relationship Coach

Susan Campbell, Ph.D.

Relationship Coach



Location: Sebastopol, CA
Credentials: MA, PhD
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