Have my love life results been the outcome of subconsciously seeking 007?
So I took the plunge. No, I didn't elope to Las Vegas like I have always wanted to, but something close. I finally signed up for Debi Berndt's Engaged in a Year Mastermind Program. Finally, I must get to the bottom of why I do what I do in relationships. First clue: it's all about my Inner Adam. The Inner Adam, as Berndt writes, is the only man I need to understand to true love.
Berndt says that the Inner Adam is a woman's subconscious man and kind of a template that drives her relationships with men. In my case, it's all James Bond's fault. Actually, it's all Sean Connery's fault. How? When I was five my dad allowed me to watch a James Bond film while he fixed the car. He figured it would occupy me and since he wanted me to be a first born son, dad preferred me to watch Dr. No (of all films) instead of some chic flick.
For some reason, Connery/Bond became my archetype of what a man was. No wonder I can't stop watching TV crime drama and have been addicted to the Law and Order series since junior high and have to watch Crimminal Minds every night. It's also behind why I love my German Shepherd attack dog and wish I could have him certified as protection trained. No chi-chi toy dogs for me.
So what does having James Bond as my Inner Adam have to do with my love life? Everything. A woman's Inner Adam determines her relationship set-point of how much love she actually will allow in her life. In my case, being mysterious, suspicious, and prone to vanishing (all things associated with James Bond in various films), doesn't allow love in at all.
Another way to descrbe the Inner Adam is the Jungian concept of anima and animus. If you look at the words used in society to describe a significant other it somewhat relates to this. For example, the statement "I have met my other half" may denote finding a person who is the male or female version of you, in heterosexual relationships anyway. For the man, his female counterpart is the anima or Inner Eve. It was Carl Jung himself who said: Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. That's my goal. Awaken and evolve my Inner Adam so I actually experience true love before my life is over,
I keep attracting the vanishing act since it matches my own modus operndi (M.O.). My Inner Adam is a mirror of my internal construct of what I see as masculine and how I internally relate to it subconciously. Either I disappear or he does. Even more funny is that I'm also finding myself around men with certain occupations. Thank God my dad raised me to walk a clean line because I can't get away from law enforcement officers and pseudo versions of them. Seriously. They keep finding me and I do not work in a career that in any way requires me to interact with the justice system. And, I repeat, I DO NOT HAVE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS PERSONALITY LIKE THE COP GROUPIES WHO SEE A UNIFORM AND SQUEEL LIKE A SILLY GIRL. I detest weakness. I resent vulnerability. I love strength and a good poker face. I'm more likely to gush over a police dog than his handler since I'm a pet person. No wonder the psychic misread my Inner Adam as my soul mate all those years ago. Now I really blame this on Bond.
Before Bond, there was my grandfather, dad's dad, who was captured by the Japanese in WWII, then became a career Police Sargent. Then there were his brothers who both survived the infamous Bataan March and suffered PTSD until they died. Now, it's cousins who followed my grandfather's legacy. While my dad became an engineer he somehow duplicated his dad's parenting style. Between my paternal history and James Bond films, my subconscious is attracting more of the same. How do I meet them? They just show up in a variety of ways and I always discover their job much later. Here is evidence from a sample of the recent ones I have encountered:
Example One: Alan and I were together for three years. He was divorced with a young son and had a habit of keeping track of me. Alan was in charge of national executive and asset protection for a major media company. Not only was he was licensed private investigator as part of his job but he had an annoying habit of verifying my whereabouts. When I said I was having dinner with Alison he would dispatch a security officer who worked nearby to check on me. Alan would tell me afterwards and I knew he wasn't lying because he knew exactly what I ordered for dinner.
Example Two: Joshua the wanna-be. Just like the Madonna wanna-be of the 1980's or the "poser", Joshua was a loss prevention agent at Abercrombie & Fitch who claimed he had a Masters of Criminal Justice from San Jose State and worked as a corporate fraud investigator. Unfortunately he made the mistake of changing his voice tone to uncertain when I mentioned to him that I wrote a K9 dog story and sent it to two handlers I knew (through the German Shepherd Dog Community Group on facebook). That shift in his voice was enough to make me suspicious. Before I knew it I was interrogating him and trying to detect his lie. Turned out he was too stupid to get into any legitimate Masters program let alone be hired by Kroll.
Example Three: Ronan aka Captain America aka Colin Farrell doppelganger. Alan and Joshua would both want to be Ronan. The best that Alan could do was monitor my movements to verify I did what I said I would do. Ronan could outdo Alan any old day. Joshua basically would have to dream on to even get close in his dream to being like Ronan. Ronan actually worked for Kroll doing exactly what Joshua wished he could do and more. Joshua boasted he interrogated people but when I started making him back up his story, Joshua's inconsistencies were fast and furious. Besides, Joshua didn't act consistent with who he claimed he was. I still think I am a better interrogator than he is.
Ronan, on the other hand, from the moment we first spoke I swear something about him compelled me to act like I had been administered truth serum. Ironically, Ronan just said he worked as an accountant. Only did I learn from him weeks later that he was in actuality more than just that, because his kind of accounting for Kroll was forensic in nature. Neither Alan or Joshua ever had the confession effect Ronan had on me. No wonder lying to him about not wanting to be friends induced some strange guilt in me for months.
So what is the lesson here? Having James Bond as my Inner Adam means that I fundamentally don't trust people. Ronan was the only man I trusted on a date in 2012 actually. He was one man out of the 30 different ones I went on a date with. In fact, I think it's abnormal to not mutually background check one another before a first date. I also think it's odd to not interrogate on the first date. Heck, Ronan did before and during and I didn't mind at all. Everyone else calls it extreme. I call it dating due diligence. I still live my life the way my father taught me to. While it keeps me out of trouble it's also keeping true love out.
How do I transform my love results? The only way is to transform my Inner Adan by letting go of James Bond and letting in Hugh Jackman (the family man and husband) as my archetype. More on that in another article.