If you like overcrowded restaurants overpriced frozen fish and an extremely disappointing cocktail menu, Red Lobster is more than happy to have you. Lucky for you, your date won't know the difference and anyone even remotely close to orbiting your friend circle knows better than to ever step foot into this establishment unless they're on a family vacation in Myrtle Beach. Thankfully, you'll avoid any and all questions. And since you'll be amongst families with crying children, you won't have to worry about carrying on a lengthy conversation. The food and sex are, well, mediocre at best, but it's those cheddar biscuits that keep you coming back for more.
Talk about a name laden with innuendos! You're the kind of person that likes to stress the fact that you've chosen the 16 ounce steak at Longhorn Steakhouse simply because you know your body can handle it. Besides, you're always up for a challenge. You'll order well drinks all night and scoff when the bill comes (because, duh, middle class life is just so hard and "ugh, can't anybody enjoy a drink without paying an overpriced bill anymore?!"), just because you can. Sex for you is sort of like leaving a tip — exactly two times the tax and not one cent more. Rest assured when you leave this joint, your less-than-pleasurable palates will have been provided for.
And there you have it. There's a restaurant for every occasion and cheating is no exception. Every good, mediocre, or straight up bad lay needs something to eat, and when you're strapped for ideas, it's best to keep in mind the spots all over the country that serve your purpose best.
Go forth and fornicate, friends!