From nothing but a clear and open heart I acknowledged the truth that drove my attraction. Like I have said before, it wasn't ever him. Rather, it was a symptom of old love wounds drawing me towards a man who was the ideal person to trigger old romantic hurts through rejection. The paradox is that rejection is an illusion. Mastin Kipp wrote about how great rejection really was. How come? The other person is keeping you available for the best possible outcome for YOU and the rest of the world! How great is that? Awesome!
Psychology talks about trauma-repetition and that was simply what it was. He was the perfect model of the good-looking athletic guy who was popular, smart, and made the Prom Queen swoon. The kind of guy who would never notice me in College or my early 20's. In being attracted to him I repeated a familiar but painful pattern of yearning to be noticed and liked by the "prize guy" who occupied a collegiate social strata so different from me. In essence I was seeking validation from the wrong place. The only approval I needed was my own.
More from YourTango: Love Traveling Together? 13 Romantic Weekend Getaways For Two
Going forward, the lesson from my interlude of infatuation and limerance towards Ronan was this ... heal those old love wounds. Once healed the subconscious desire to seek it out in another like him is gone. Proper healing affords us a future different from the past. Letting go was an act of liberation and exhilaration. It was also releasing a wish for my life to be anything other than it is even though I'd love to be with my real love now.
More from YourTango: 10 Ways To Stop Being Afraid Of The Single Life
However, here I am. At a place of peace, and ready for true love. After reading Bernstein's books and listening to her meditations, the illusion of Ronan as special started to unravel fast after a power coaching session with the very wise Merry Wise. Then, between BodyTalk sessions with Heather Strang, combined with Debi Berndt's Engaged in a Year deluxe coaching and social life strategies from Matthew Hussey's Get the Guy seminars, even if I don't meet my true love in 2013, I will have found love ... inside of me ... not outside in a hopeless place.