How I Ditched My Commitment Issues ... By Snooping

By

jumping woman
Keeping one foot out the door helped me dodge vulnerability ... and, it turns out, real love.

Slowly, I began to consider the idea that maybe it was a little ridiculous to assume that he was some sort of psychological mastermind who could hide who he truly was from me for over a year. I stewed, crouched on the corner of the air mattress, trying to let my anger deflate, and finally permitted Jonathan to hug me. Then, much to my surprise, we had sex. Even though it was air mattress sex, it was some of the best sex we’d ever had, top-ten list kind of sex. Take that, number 22.

As we fell asleep, it also crossed my mind that I should be happy there were 54 girls. Imagine if I were one of four? Chilling.

But it took this incident, my go-to defense mechanism, to prompt the epiphany that would impact my relationship — and my entire approach toward relationships, for that matter. It was time to stop wasting energy waiting for "the other shoe to drop" — and have a little faith in what we had, for once.

The only way to find out if this thing was going to work was to free myself of the cavalier identity I'd so carefully cultivated; it was time to dump my exit strategy and actually invest in the relationship — knowing full well that I might get my heart broken. Badly.

I didn't expect it to be easy. But at that moment, I'd made a decision, and I was determined to stick with it. So, to start with, I fished out my phone; I had a few puppeteers' and coke addicts' phone numbers to delete.

Ophira Eisenberg is a stand-up comedian, writer, and host of NPR’s weekly trivia show, Ask Me Another. Her debut memoir Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way to Monogamy (Seal Press / April 2013) is available now. She has also appeared on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, The Today Show, Comedy Central and VH-1, and is a regular host for The Moth. Follow her on Twitter: @ophirae

PARTNER POSTS