Brandi Glanville: 'The Lessons My Painful Divorce Taught Me'

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Brandi Glanville
"You want to say, 'He's a douchebag and she's a whore,' but you can't."

YourTango: What's your relationship status now? Are you seeing anyone exclusively?
Brandi Glanville:
I'm casually dating, one person more than the others, but it's not exclusive. I don't have time for a full-on relationship, but I have found myself spending time with one person more than the other people that are asking me out.

YourTango: How many people are asking you out?
Brandi Glanville:
[Laughs] It's funny because there's people that just come out of the woodwork because you're on a TV show and they think that's cool. They either like you cause you're on a TV show, or don't want anything to do with you because you're on a TV show.

YourTango: Looking back on everything, what would you say is the most difficult part of getting divorced?
Brandi Glanville:
Divorce is one of the three most stressful things in life. The most difficult [part] is sharing time with your children. It's like, 'They're mine. I don't want them to go to their dad's house, they're mine. I gave birth to them.' … That by far is the hardest thing to get your head around, and I think that's why custody battles go on for so long; no one wants to give up that 100 percent time with their kids. I fought for so long about the time they're with their father because he shouldn't be entitled to have my babies if he wanted to leave. You're fighting with your heart and not your head. Now that we're divorced, he's become a better father, and if we can take one good thing away from our divorce, it's that we're both more hands-on with Mason and Jake because we know we only get to have them half the time.

YourTango: How did the kids handle your divorce?
Brandi Glanville:
 I wasn't prepared to tell my then two-year-old and my six-year-old that daddy and I were splitting up because they thought we were the greatest two people on the planet. So in the beginning I said that daddy was working, and I don't think that's necessarily the right thing to do, but I think you have to be emotionally stable before you have that conversation with your children … [Mason] just knew there were no clothes in daddy's closet and it really bothered him. I put my clothes in there and he's like, 'No Pink. No pink in daddy's closet.’ I know, it's heartbreaking. And now, at five, he doesn't remember us ever being married, so I felt that's a blessing in disguise. But I really feel you have to be at a better place before you bring it to your children, because a lot of people make the mistake of saying your daddy cheated on mommy, he's a bad person. You can't say that … you can't be selfish. You can't put the other person down because they did something to you.

YourTango: Agreed. If you don't bite your tongue, the kids may repeat it.
Brandi Glanville:
They'll remember when they're older, and they will resent you for it. I never, ever said a bad word about their father or LeAnn [Rimes] to them. One day, they'll know everything, and I think they'll respect me for that fact. It's hard to do because you want to say, 'He's a douchebag and she's a whore,' but you can't. And that's what your friends and family are for. If you need to vent, you call your mom, you call your dad, and you call your best friend.

YourTango: Your book is about the blunders you've made, but what else did you handle really well during your divorce?
Brandi Glanville:
You know, I think I made a lot of blunders for sure … I would probably take back the drinking and the depression, and maybe the surgery, maybe that wasn't right or the craziest thing. Now I can regret it, but at the time, I wasn't thinking clearly and I was really not well. A really good idea for me, I moved out of the same city as them. I moved about 30 minutes away, because when we were in the same city I saw them both everyday. We would pass each other driving and I couldn't heal. So I moved and I took pictures down, and I replaced them with pictures of friends and things that made me happy. I really just tried to focus on my children because without them I would have been in a straitjacket.

YourTango: Do you ever have bad days now?
Brandi Glanville:
I really didn't for the longest time, but doing this book tour, I've had to read little blurbs from [the divorce]. Some of the things, sort of, sit in my stomach because I remember that time. I have this one picture of Eddie in my house because it's my sister's wedding and we were the only two people at [her] wedding. It's the only picture we have. Sometimes I'm like, 'Oh, that's when he was having sex with Scheana,' and sometimes I'll laugh it off. But, you know, he was a part of my life for 13 years … it's always going to be a part of your story. You will forgive him, but you will never forget and that's just part of life.

YourTango: Do you still believe in marriage? Would you want to get remarried someday?
Brandi Glanville:
I don't think so, but people say that all the time. I think it's a very old-fashioned idea, but I do think that anyone who wants to [marry] should be able to, like my gay friends … Sometimes the moment you [have] a piece of paper saying 'stay with me' is the moment people want to leave the birdcage. It's like the moment you shut the door, it's 'Oh sh*t. Get me out of here.' Do relationships run in ten year cycles or five year cycles? Am I ever going to feel the way I felt before again, or is love going to be different? I think as we grow older, we evolve and change, and so does love and our relationships.

YourTango: Do you want to have more kids?
Brandi Glanville:
No effing way. There is no way because my kids are perfect and amazing and healthy, and my focus is 100 percent on them and to make sure they turn out as perfect little men with good manners and great attitudes.

YourTango: If you do get married in the future, what would you do differently? Would you make different financial decisions?
Brandi Glanville:
I think a prenup is so necessary these days. Decide what you are going to get if your marriage fails while you're still madly in love. They're going to be much more bitter when you're getting divorced. If I had one, I would have been a lot better in my divorce. And I also think [when you're] 20, you're still a kid. Getting married in your 30s [is] a better time … I was married at 23, and I never figured out who I was and what I wanted to do, so I came out of it at 36 wondering who I am. Focus on yourself and getting a career going and living independently before you move in with someone.

YourTango: You said you came out of your marriage at 36 wondering who am I. So who are you now, Brandi Glanville?
Brandi Glanville:
I wanted to be a dermatologist when I was younger. That kind of went away. Now, I know my passions are writing and cooking and I just started acting a little bit … I'm definitely in touch with myself and I know I'm very strong now. I know if I get into a relationship, I will have a voice as an individual. It wouldn't just be, 'Whatever you want, babe. I'm here for you, babe. You make the money and I'll take care of the kids.' I will always be an independent woman. I've learned that you should never depend on a man. Take care of you, because the second he leaves you is the second you're going to get burned.

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