A Mother's Influence in Her Son's Life

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A Mother's Influence in Her Son's Life
Mothers determine to a large extent how a son feels about himself and how he related to other women.

A case in point: Mikey's mother and father fostered a deteriorating marriage for a number of years "for the sake of the kids", all the while intense anger, bitterness and resentment were building on both sides for various reasons. During these emotionally charged years, Mikey's mother disclosed her feelings about his father to him oftentimes at the breakfast table. Largely to fulfill her own malnourished emotional needs, she would confide in Mikey about how his father hurt her. The marriage finally ended in divorce. Mikey blamed his father probably because he was subtly coerced into identifying with his mother's pain and did not consider any emotional distress that his father may have been going through. Years after the divorce, Mikey, as an adult, found himself still catering to his mother's every whim and seeing her very much as a victim of abuse by his father. In reality, enough time had gone by for Mikey's mom to heal emotionally and perhaps even re-marry but to her unconscious mind that would mean relinquishing the hold she had on her children. Mikey is completely unaware of his fear that his mother will feel the same about him as she feels about his father, so he continues to coddle her, much to the chagrin of his new wife who doesn't see Mikey's mom as a victim but as a manipulator. Mom keeps her negative attitudes alive in Mikey's mind by strategically reminding him of father's past bad deeds, mostly around the breakfast table.

Another mistake that mothers make

 

As seen in the above scenario, making your emotionally immature son your confidant puts a burden on him that is difficult for him to shoulder. When a son sees his mother in pain, he feels like he needs to take matters into his own hands and "fix" the situation. As his mother leans on him emotionally, she is reinforcing his perception of himself as somebody that must be leaned upon in order to have purpose in life. In his future relationships, this causes him to build resentment for his wife if she does not display the emotionally deficient and needy qualities of his mother.

Become Aware

Mothering your children in a loving way is the best gift and that involves taking conscious inventory of your personal beliefs and attitudes. A boy's world view, in particular, is profoundly shaped by what his mother demonstrates in rearing him day by day and year after year. Your son will learn to love and respect other people, most importantly his wife, by modeling after you.