“A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy. Let a man be one thing or the other, and we then know how to meet him.” – Aesop
When you are on your journey toward the love of your life and the life of your dreams who you have around you really does matter. Who is around you, especially in your “inner circle” really matters. One of the reasons why the women who work with us state again and again how important the loving, uplifting, and supportive community of other women is on their journey is because that “inner circle” has influence on you.
Yes, you are in charge of you, and no one can make you feel anything without your consent…but if you have ever had a “friend” who has done any of these things, you know how quickly your confidence can be shaken, your heart hurt, your outlook dimmed, and your hope dashed.
See if these descriptions of “friends” describes anything you have experienced: (oh, and “friend” can include family members, co-workers, even neighbors)
Your “best friend” takes an instant dislike to the guy you are interested in, never giving you the chance to evaluate him yourself.
Your sister or brother who reminds you of the divorce, the messes you’ve made in previous relationships. So rather than your “life highlight reels” they seem to relish in reminding you of the “lowlights”.
Your girlfriend who reminds you of the duds you’ve fallen for, even as you proclaim that now you’re different.
Your father who criticises any guy you bring around and wonders where you find these jerks.
Your girlfriend who reminds you of the times you stated that “online dating doesn’t work for you” as you try to set up a new profile.
Your mother who “encourages” you by saying men would find you more attractive if you’d just lose those 10 pounds and wear more dresses.
Your friend who says “it won’t work, you’re just messed up!” when you decide you’ll go to learn about your inner blocks to love, and what the heck is going on with all these going nowhere “relationships”?
Even if you haven’t experienced any of these out and out traitors to your true love journey, pay close attention here, because the time may come when you discover your inner circle has a too close for comfort traitor, and it may be time for a “friendectamy”.
Here are three steps to see whether your inner circle is helping you or holding you back. Friend…or enemy? For now, they could be called a “frenemy”.
One: Uncover the Frenemy:
If they have done or are actively doing any of the things outlined above. They may be a candidate for a friendectamy.
If you find yourself having the same conversations about men, love, relationships, and your future relationship possibilities (not good ones) month after month, year after year…your friendship may be in a rut, and it/they may be holding you back.
If they always seem to have a crisis, rely you for moral support, financial support, or other type of support, but it never goes the other way around…the drama of their life is affecting your life. Guaranteed.
If you find them reminding you of your limitations, or being negative or critical when you talk about wanting to learn, grow, or change…they are definitely holding you back.
Two: Get Real With Yourself.
I hear financial advisors say that you are going to have the financial net worth of the average of your five closest friends. The same could apply in love.