“A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy. Let a man be one thing or the other, and we then know how to meet him.” – Aesop
When you are on your journey toward the love of your life and the life of your dreams who you have around you really does matter. Who is around you, especially in your “inner circle” really matters. One of the reasons why the women who work with us state again and again how important the loving, uplifting, and supportive community of other women is on their journey is because that “inner circle” has influence on you.
Yes, you are in charge of you, and no one can make you feel anything without your consent…but if you have ever had a “friend” who has done any of these things, you know how quickly your confidence can be shaken, your heart hurt, your outlook dimmed, and your hope dashed.
See if these descriptions of “friends” describes anything you have experienced: (oh, and “friend” can include family members, co-workers, even neighbors)
Your “best friend” takes an instant dislike to the guy you are interested in, never giving you the chance to evaluate him yourself.
Your sister or brother who reminds you of the divorce, the messes you’ve made in previous relationships. So rather than your “life highlight reels” they seem to relish in reminding you of the “lowlights”.
Your girlfriend who reminds you of the duds you’ve fallen for, even as you proclaim that now you’re different.
Your father who criticises any guy you bring around and wonders where you find these jerks.
Your girlfriend who reminds you of the times you stated that “online dating doesn’t work for you” as you try to set up a new profile.
Your mother who “encourages” you by saying men would find you more attractive if you’d just lose those 10 pounds and wear more dresses.
Your friend who says “it won’t work, you’re just messed up!” when you decide you’ll go to learn about your inner blocks to love, and what the heck is going on with all these going nowhere “relationships”?
Even if you haven’t experienced any of these out and out traitors to your true love journey, pay close attention here, because the time may come when you discover your inner circle has a too close for comfort traitor, and it may be time for a “friendectamy”.
Here are three steps to see whether your inner circle is helping you or holding you back. Friend…or enemy? For now, they could be called a “frenemy”.
One: Uncover the Frenemy:
If they have done or are actively doing any of the things outlined above. They may be a candidate for a friendectamy.
If you find yourself having the same conversations about men, love, relationships, and your future relationship possibilities (not good ones) month after month, year after year…your friendship may be in a rut, and it/they may be holding you back.
If they always seem to have a crisis, rely you for moral support, financial support, or other type of support, but it never goes the other way around…the drama of their life is affecting your life. Guaranteed.
If you find them reminding you of your limitations, or being negative or critical when you talk about wanting to learn, grow, or change…they are definitely holding you back.
Two: Get Real With Yourself.
I hear financial advisors say that you are going to have the financial net worth of the average of your five closest friends. The same could apply in love. If your closest friends are single, or in a relationship, but you don’t want their relationship, these may not the best person/people to spend a lotta time with or give a lot of credence to what they say to you when it comes to love. Easier said than done.
First journal about each of your closest friends/family members. Do you feel great around them? Uplifted? Encouraged? Like a good person? or like a stumbling idiot or a loser? Being the savior for that friend who is always in crisis can be draining. Be real about how you feel, not how you think you should feel.
Three: Commit to be True to Yourself.
If you have identified a “frenemy” – someone who might mean well but may be holding you back, all is not lost. They may simply be clueless about what it takes to have a wonderful, loving, relationship. And keep in mind, her criticism and negativity toward you is more about her not believing she can find true love. Or she may be in a relationship that she’s not thrilled with and figures you can’t do any better, so why try? We encourage you be true to yourself, and what you want for your life. It may be time to get at least one new friend who is uplifting, positive, and on the journey of wanting to attract your dream love life and dream life. We have seen many women make new, lifelong friends at our live Love Breakthrough Weekend. Can you change the direction and have a breakthrough in your love life? Absolutely. It’s possible, and will be even more so when you have at least one good friend around you to encourage you, support you, not hold you back.
Being true to yourself may mean you get new friends more in alignment with the new you. Does that mean you have to be mean to anyone? That you’re ‘better than” anyone? No. But if you are feeling like they are holding you back, you are annoying them with all this talk of change, growth, new outlook, etc. Be real about what lights you up. Allow yourself to be openly hopeful, put some action behind it and your real friends will join you.
Oh, and if you already have a good friend around you, and you want to change your love life going forward, you might want to both join us in our Love Breakthrough Group mentoring Telecourse where we’ll help you have a NEW conversation around love, your possibilities, and your history really means for you. In one extraordinary month you’ll shift those old beliefs about love, men, and relationships so you are more in alignment with true love…and you can bring home your sweetheart to the next company picnic, or net family gathering, and show your mom that your sweetheart loves you just as you are, “10 extra pounds” and all!
And if you have negative, discouraging, cynical, or clueless people around you, you need to inoculate yourself from them, because you might become them, or worse…you may already be like that, and she’s figuring out how to get some distance from you. Yikes!
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
- George Bernard Shaw
P.S.: Wanna work with us to learn more and have a breakthrough in your love life this year? Enrollment ends tomorrow for our live group mentoring telecourse- The Love Breakthrough Telecourse. You can still get in! We even have a easy payment plan that makes it just $139 today. We won’t do this course live for at least another year.