Did I Really Learn The Truth At 17?

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Did I Really Learn The Truth At 17?
Janis Ian sang that love was meant for Beauty Queens but what about the rest of us?

As for the Brody buddies, the jocks who all thought alike in classic group think style, they were the guys who sent the Valentines. The recipients looked like a mixture of Audrina Patridge and Lauren Conrad xerox copies. Every Valentine's Day the roses and cards and Swiss chocolate candies were passed out in class. This practice began among my schoolmates when I was in grade six. By the time I was 15 I would watch this annual romantic ritual as an observer. The event became a curiosity to me. Looking back it felt like I was watching a stage play in person. Why? Usually I was the only one or part of a handful of kids who never got a thing. No surprise that my identity is now repelled at the thought of being given romantic gifts.

What were the Bond boys doing on February 14? Bond boys took their dates out to dinner at a European restaurant and gave them their Valentine's presents over candlelight. The single ones were home studying for the International Baccalaureate Diploma exams administered from Switzerland.

Another thing I learned at 17 was that Brody boys liked Southern Belles, Damsels in Distress, Ballet Dancers, Homecoming Queens, Prom Queens, Head Cheerleaders, the resident "It Girls" and any female that was "Ultra Femme" instead of "Alpha Girl". While I admire the softness and womanly charms of Sofia Vergara and Sophia Loren, females loved by Brody types, my heroines have always been the likes of Cameron Diaz. Diaz has described herself as a tomboy growing up and how her dad wanted sons. I know the feeling.

If I tried to be Sofia/Sophia I would experience an extreme discomfort in my own skin. Being a Cameron makes me feel like a natural woman. People who are deeply comfortable in their own skin appeal the most to themselves and others. Case in point: Michael Fassbender (an Old World man who speaks English and German) dancing in his early film Wedding Belles.

When I asked BodyTalk practitioner Heather Strang aka "Healing Heather" if it was possible to see the real truth as an adult, she said it was much simpler. She seemed to suggest that it was more a strong bias than a full-on truth that my unconscious mind had locked in. Heather did remind me of one truth that I had accepted, which was based on the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupery. The heart sees what is invsible to the eye.

The heart knows what the mind cannot grasp or can back-up with hard evidence. So in those moments when Brody/Colin Farrell Doppelganger not Bond has their heart warming effect on me ... the fight between my head and heart turns into a battle that Alexander the Great (an Ancient World man) would dive right into. Who will conquer? That is a mystery I really need Sherlock Holmes for. Holmes, also an Old World man, may know the clues to deduce from to get to the truth.

Maybe I'll do Merry Wise's workbook on soulmates to play my own sleuth on this one. I have a feeling that when this mystery is solved, it will fundamentally alter my sense of identity in regards to partnership and romance.

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