Today is St. Patrick's Day and I needed some Irish luck. At least my heart did. For months I never wanted to admit that a man had gone so far as to trick me by using my digital footprint to hijack my gut instinct. He bypassed my radar in true Paul Janka seduction master fashion and it was an encounter with a wolf in sheep's clothing.
What seemed like a person who wanted to know about me was actually more sinister. He cleverly used the data of all my old writings and public review postings on websites like Amazon to create a psychological character sketch of me. Similar to NLP techniques that knowledge was power.
I was tricked to develop such a strong positive regard towards him when it was all just a game to him. What was his end game? He needed distraction, a confidence boost, had to know he was still capable to attracting women, etc. Think of a cross between the Pick-up Artist and the mind influencing techniques of Professor X in the X-Men. I was treated like a lab rat and an article on Psychology Today backs me up.
At first I told myself that I imagined it all. I even told myself that he wasn't that pre-meditated. Eventually, a friend told me to face the truth: He never even liked me as a person. I was simply, like my previous article mentioned, emotional target practice.
In the words of an old Bon Jovi song, talk about a shot to the heart. Talk about giving love a bad name too. Irish luck came in anyway. Just in time. In the form of "Healing Heather".
No, not the Bach Flower Remedy but Heather Strang, Bodytalk Practitioner. She asked me why I was suddenly so upset now, months after the fact, because I hadn't talked about it since late last year.
Well, I may not have mentioned it but I was repressing the lingering thoughts of having been manipulated by my own words on the Internet. It just took my friend in London to force me to face the fact that the man who opened my heart didn't do it by accident. He did it deliberately in a way but felt no regard for me.
My friend suggested a few things, such as meditations to lift a heavy heart or to release the past, forgiveness, and new beginnings, all of which helped. Yet sometimes the cure for the pain is the pain itself which means allowing it to rise up an out of my heart.