He was the last one I wrote about. The one who had a thawing effect on this icy heart but like Henning he too, needs to go back to his wife. Being Catholic I do not believe in divorce. Sure you can be legally divorced but there is no divorce especially if you took sacramental vows in a church. Some ties can’t be broken. The last one said he had been divorced almost three years. Like Henning, he was only 22 or 23 when he met his wife, and had been together over 10 years. And just like with Henning, the last one needed more time, to either win back his wife or heal fully without her.
Just to be clear. The last one was not someone I became involved with. But his similarity to Henning in being in the post-divorce single parent aftermath had me thinking. Even though he had a heart melting effect that was all. He was a reminder that I should have stayed away from him from the start. I don't know why he was able to open my heart but I wish he hadn't because he belongs to someone else. He is divorced but he is still psychically attached to his ex-wife, that was my feeling about him all along.
Whatever the case, I have run out of time. I can’t and won’t wait for the last one or anyone.
No, I am not moving back to London this time. I am staying put in California. Like Monica Cruz, I won’t allow a man, or lack thereof, to be a factor in having a child. However, I won’t just have a kid with anyone either because the thought of playing genetic Russian Roulette is a no-no. I’ve stopped searching for a love. Instead I’m going to create a love.
I’ve signed off online dating and speed dating. Instead I’ve spent the last few weeks searching through anonymous donor profiles and am narrowing my choices. This decision feels good. It feels right. My heart is thawing out on its own again. So Colin Farrell doppelganger, the last words I have for you are: Go Back to Your Wife. Reform your family. I’m going to make my own.
P.S. For some heartwarming insight on keeping a heart warm and open: check out the article, Is It Impossible to Find a Guy That Wants a Commitment?