Does Your Identity Include Love?

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Does Your Identity Include Love?
Heather Strang's book The Quest is Sex and the City meets vision and synchronicity. Fiction = life.

BodyTalk practitioner and author Heather Strang's book The Quest is a vivid tale of love, spirit, and deep diving in one's own psyche to be the love they are looking for. Now soon to be a film, The Quest is a fictional story that challenges any reader to remove the barriers within them to love. Most of the time, being single has more to do with identity, than availability. As much as someone desires a beloved their identity is equal or stronger as a single person. Here is the conflict.

The Quest is a story about healing such conflict so love and life flows for the heroine. In her Bodytalk practice Heather Strang has been my guide. Much like the character in her delightful tale gets sent on a physical and psychological quest around the world to shed the identity that prevents love from blooming. Just like the TV show Glee, I am Emma on her wedding day to Will when she runs off in fear, thus leaving her soul mate at the altar. Emma is still single because of Emma. Not because love isn't there or ready to commit. She is the problem. Yes, I am the problem. I know the solution. I just can't break the old skin of single and shed it for good.

Will I be happy if I did. Absolutely. Why won't I? Like Emma, I feel flawed in a fundamental way. In fact, I'm downright ashamed of some kind of ambiguous deficiency. It's one big mystery because I have no idea what exactly is defective. So, I'd run and sabotage it with my soul mate because (A) the thought of him finding out what it is about me that is so below standard really terrifies me; and (B) I am rather stunned and perplexed that he would actually love me regardless of this unknown mysterious flaw being discovered by him. How is that possible? I can accept love from my dog because dogs love like that. My dearest friends' love I can also receive because that's what friends are for. Even my straight guy friends who are like the older brothers I always wanted is an affection I can take in. I can even allow myself to show my flaws and imperfections inside and out to them without fear. Why? Because your soul brother will care for you without wanting perfection.

So why is it just so hard to be a welcoming heart and soul for the romantic soul mate kind of love? Three reasons: (1) I'm nothing special; (2) I'm worse than an adolescent girl in a convent school at actually being someone's significant other. This is because in response to repeated childhood rejection and chronic bullying I'm counter dependent, the polar opposite of co-dependent but just as unhealthy; and (3) I fundamentally believe that there is no reason why a man would want to marry me or be in a marriage-like commitment with me. Quite frankly, I am one total failure at the whole companionship thing. I have no basis point for even beginning to fathom how to be one. Friends have told me that I am generous, loyal, thoughtful, and show my appreciation for them without reason or expectation. Those are qualities that are all very desirable in a person. It's just that with romantic love I just fundmantally feel that I'm missing some indescrible asset. I have no clue what it is though.

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