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Never put anyone else's mind above your own: The Buddha. Paid for advice can cost you more than cash

A love "guru" named Kathryn Alice tweeted recently that: A woman wrote me her MANICURIST rec'd my book b/c it helped her attract her hubby. I'll never know all who my work has helped but love it!

Statements like these, from any "dating expert" not just Alice, can be very alluring. Nothing wrong with being drawn in by something but one must be careful about falling into the addicted to hope syndrome as Professor Craig Jackson, head of psychology at Birmingham City University, told Fabulous Magazine.

“What seeking out gurus on the internet does is take us back to being children again. It’s a widespread ‘infantilisation’ of society where we look for a ‘parent figure’ in the child-like hope they will make everything right again. When people are desperate they will try anything.”

Like any other method or program that charges a fee, it would be interesting to have a quantitative peer-reviewed report on Kathryn Alice's running success rate for those who have done her work. At the risk of being seen as "lacking faith and trust" (everyone has their Achilles heel I guess), there is something to be said for statistical results reflected in the outcomes achieved for all the people who have read her books and done her workshops, etc... and stayed with her method for at least six months. If anything, verified and audited hard numbers, can be quite revealing about actual effectiveness of any product.

An example of what I am talking about it is: 80% of her fans met their soulmate within one to five years, and of that group, an average of 75% were still together after more than five years and 90% of those couples both claimed to still be happy with the relationship. While past performance is not indicative of future performance (especially when investing in the capital market funds these days), some kind of benchmark is helpful. A quick scan of other reviews on Amazon.com have revealed that not all of her customers had the outcome they wanted for whatever reason. Sometimes it's the person. Sometimes its the method. Sometimes it's just not a good fit between the two, and other times, it's a mystery only Sherlock Holmes can solve.

The biggest take-away I got from Kathryn Alice's book "Love Will Find You" and the method in it was, in the author's own words, "People who don't manifest are lazy. They are substituting external work for the deep inner work needed to resolve their resistance to love." That was said in writing and in response to a question on how come people who have done her work faithfully, beyond just buying the book, but those persons who indicated (assuming they are telling the truth) that they consistently did the following actions as prescribed in her book every day for at least six to nine months:

 

  • Daily meditation to Alice's guided mediations
  • Participating and doing her then $100+ Soulmate Bootcamp and/or Create-A-Mate webinar (to the letter) more than once
  • Losing 45 pounds and having a complete professional image and style makeover
  • Taking up dance so they are more comfortable in their own skin and "get their second chakra" going
  • Intentionally addressing any unconscious blocks through things like psychotherapy and clinical hypnosis with full committment
  • Making the effort to relate to others and go on 2-3 dates a week
  • Enrolling in those popular "flirting classes" if they were considered introverted in social situations

 

And were still single a year after "fully immersing themselves in her work".  While Alice's responses to such questions in her teleseminars appeared to state that this lack of a soulmate resulted from the person's lack of trust in "the Universe", perhaps it's not so simple as that. Sure, maybe in some cases lacking faith did block a soulmate from some people because their "fear" was impacting their "energy" from attracting in love, perhaps the reason they never manifested was not entirely due to their lazy and fearful mindset. Another possibility is that after so much effort it was a natural response after 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years or more without result that created a less than satisfied response within them and in regard to her work. Maybe it's my journalistic mind's analytical tendencies to see things this way but eventually the proof is in the pudding. Alice's website claims to be the fastest proven way to one's soulmate so it makes sense to see evidence to back up her claims.

There is much truth in Alice's response about how being lazy can impede one's romantic success rate. However, not every individual can see their own blindspots and may in fact feel they are addressing their inner blocks. When another participant asked if hypnosis would help remove such "inner blocks of resistence to love", Alice's reply was to just stick with her work. However, for some people, clinical hypnosis or EMDR can be a beneficial complement to personal growth work such as the material exemplified by Alice and I would personally be hesitant to dismiss other modalities if someone is committed to eradicating their internal blocks to a life they want. Alice's statement of "lonely in love due to lazy" may be a valid explanation of how some of her students are still single while others have found their soulmate quickly. However, this may not be a conscious or even intentional lazy on the person's part.

Such statements could be categorized in the realm of "too general" to apply to everyone. While Alice and other Religious Science Practitioners may consider this line of reasoning a sign of "lacking faith and being too intellectual and closing one's heart to receive" it doesn't mean that such logic is invalid. I had discovered Alice's book by accident at a bookstore in Berkeley and still glad it came to my attention because its probably the only one in the "dating" genre that is inspiring overall. Alice's tone is light hearted, optimistic, and fosters hope, not false hope but maybe more trust that you'll be together someday ... to a point. Kathryn Alice has written,

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