There might be a liar sabotaging most all your online dating relationships... You!
The traditional liar found on dating websites is the guy who tells you he's 30 and single, when he's really 39, and married with 12 kids. It is also the girl who appears to look a lot like Uma Thurman, and when you finally meet in person, you realize her profile picture was indeed... Uma Thurman, as she looks more like Woody Allen, with a bigger bald spot. These impostors probably cause enough woe in your dating life. However, there is an even worse traitor whom you are very likely dealing with... yourself!
The average online dater lies 1000 times over a single year, and this does not even include the number of times they're lying to themselves. Well, I guess it shouldn't, considering that most self-contrived lies are actually meant to help you. You may tell yourself that the pile of clothes in the middle of your bedroom is just an organized closet for busy people. You might convince yourself that eating cookies for dinner is a diet plan, since you are actually skipping the 'main' course, and you might say that one little lie will never hurt anyone (including yourself). However, in these five cases, your good intentions are only causing you more harm than good.
Online Dating Lie #1- “I need the approval of others to be worthy”
We push ourselves to be liked by others, because it makes us feel good. Some people convince themselves that their personality is not what others are looking for, so they mold themselves to resemble what they think people want. The problem here, is, one, your real self is probably much more interesting than your dumbed-down twin, so you only end up working against your best interest. Two, if you build your character around satisfying others, you will surely sabotage the needs of one of the most important people in your life... you!
Online Dating Lie #2- “Love must fall into place the way I've described, otherwise I won't be happy”
Countless studies have shown that what we say we want... is often not what really makes us happy. Having a list of things you want in a partner is important. It helps you to organize your priorities, and discover certain red flags you might have otherwise missed. However, if you allow your goals to dictate your happiness, you are setting yourself up for a very long life of never being happy. Happiness does not come from a set of rules; it comes from finding a peace inside your heart that allows you to find joy no matter with who, or where you are.
Online Dating Lie #3- “In order to find love, I must sacrifice”
You've probably experienced the feeling of losing someone over a list of things that you were not willing to be or do. If you get enough of these rejections, eventually you might begin to think that in order to achieve a successful relationship, you may not always get your way. This is good, because any intimate relationship requires compromise. However, if you end up sacrificing too much of your life, in order to enhance the lives of others, you'll only end up creating a clause in your happy ending, stating that your needs are only secondary.
Online Dating Lie #4- “It's too late for me”
There are two times in your life when it is actually too late to find a soulmate... When you die, and when you decide you no longer have a chance. The problem with this thinking, is that you are only lying to yourself to excuse the fact that you are really too scared to succeed. In other words, you fear failure so much, that you would rather not try, and blame it on a lack of time. However, I have another way of looking at this. When you procrastinate from doing something, it is the same thing as quietly admitting to your self-conscious that you are a failure. If you think of it that way, considering that failure is one of life's greatest horrors; it is better to try, and learn from your experiences, than admit you have already become what it is you fear the most. It is never too late to change your life for the better!