3. Dear Abby: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? – Carol
Dear Carol: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
4. Dear Abby: Are birth control pills deductible? – Kay
Dear Kay: Only if they don't work.
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5. Dear Abby: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a 10 lb. baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? – Wondering
Dear Wondering: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
6. Dear Abby: My husband sleeps in his underwear. He wears the long woolen kind, and he sleeps in the same underwear he's worn all day. The problem is getting him to change it. Abby, there are four sets of clean underwear in his drawer, but he won't put on a clean pair without a fight. I can't even get the underwear away from him to put in the wash. Don't tell me to grab it when he's in the bathtub. He doesn't bathe much either. Please help me. He's getting pretty ripe. – Holding My Nose
Dear Holding: Look at it this way. You don't have to worry about another woman stealing him. And he's easy to find in the dark. But if you want action, try begging, bribing, nagging and leaving! And in that order.
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7. Dear Abby: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is 73 and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? – Annie
Dear Annie: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
8. Dear Abby: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? – Bess
Dear Bess: Night and day.