Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

10 Absolute Signs Your Relationship Won't Last

Contributor
Love, Heartbreak

Do you want to be the master of your happiness? Then know how to recognize bad signs.

being paid attention to and they care enough to indulge us from time to time. An unfortunate occurrence that happens in a failing relationship is one or both parties lose the drive to do just that. Like the person who is stingy about their money, a person who stops giving or doing these little things is withdrawing from you. If you take for granted being on the receiving end, you can't be shocked when the day arrives that it's a benefit no longer available to you. It doesn't have to be about jewelry or outlandish getaways. The greatest blessings are more often a small note of thanks or 'thinking of you'. If your partner cares, they will take the time to prove it, no matter how big or small. Something, in this sense, is ALWAYS better than nothing.

 

4.) Making excuses for distance, not seeing you as much

 

You go on lots of outings together, weeknights, weekends, out of the blue day trips. When we settle into the routine of being together often, it's a telling sign when you find your partner seeing you less and less, bit by bit. The separation begins slow. Someone wants more time with the girls or nights out with the guys. Maybe it masquerades in longer or more frequent shifts away at work. However it manifests, your partner is taking  opportunities they can to put space between you. "My friend is going through a really hard time right now and I want to be there for them," "I just need to be alone to think. It's nothing towards you, I just want a little room". Rest assured, if you're being pushed aside a LOT, especially because of someone else, it IS about you. Frequent physical absence is a passive gateway to Breakupland.

 

3.) Drop in Communication

 

By nature, men openly share very little and women love to talk about almost everything to anyone. Guys are self solvers because it's usually how they're raised, being encouraged to be tough and deal with disappointments. Ladies give and seek advice, constantly exchanging conversation among one another and sometimes, even a complete stranger who graciously lends an ear. So when a female suddenly clams up, refusing to talk over a long period of time, she may be talking to someone other than who she's with. If a man uses his gender as an excuse for never wanting to talk, there's no reason to bother trying to make him humor you. It boggles my mind that there are people who believe that openly communicating with one another within their relationship about their relationship from time to time is unnecessary. You can't just assume that the other is happy, you need to check in once in a while, see where they're at and make sure that they're still invested and good with how things are developing. When you take personal conversations out of a union altogether, you have nothing but sex to base everything on. And do memorable, long lasting partnerships survive solely on a physical connection? Of course they don't.

 

2.) Complaints increase

 

Remember those adorable quirks of yours that your guy or gal couldn't get enough of? They'd point them out to you in giggle fits of ooh's and ah's, professing those special traits were what they loved most? Why would they now begin whining about the way you laugh, how you cook, how you sing in the shower, etc? The little attributes that set us apart from everyone else are what bring intrigue and fun to a relationship. Sure, if you're having a bad day, maybe they don't seem so wonderful at the time. But if it appears that a switch has completely been flipped and it's verbalized that everything that you say or do is stupid or annoying, it is because you are no longer the favorite you once were in their eyes. They've either been admiring someone new and in the wings and now find you repulsive, or they are just wanting someone new and instead of being honest about it, use the complaining tactic to push you away so that they don't have to be the bad guy and end things like an adult. It's juvenille, but common. It's normal to have issues every once in a while, but if you're continually fighting in fights that aren't worth having, someone isn't being honest with themselves.

 

And the number one indicator a relationship won't last:

 

1.) 'I' plans instead of 'We' plans

 

When newly dating, each of you bring hopes and dreams to the table. You can't achieve every one of them together, and you'll surely have successes of your own. However, when it comes to growing and progressing, you will absolutely be creating a team effort that gets you riding in that direction. I remember with the last man I dated, he talked an awful lot about himself, what HE wanted, and where HE saw himself going. Yes, we did things together, but when it came to plans for the future, I was not figured into any of it. How did I know this? Because he said so, over and over again. I made the choice to refuse to take in what he was really telling me. I saw his perseverance for getting things done as admirable. I believed that his expressions for going away on trips to see family or friends showed a great deal of care for the ones he loved. What was the main factor I ignored when he said those things? The point that I wasn't included in those plans. If someone is looking to stick around for the long haul, they will talk about doing things weeks, months, and maybe even years down the road together with you. We tend to just assume that when our lover talks about the future, we're automatically included in those plans. But have you really listened to their words when they're speaking of them? If there is no solid 'We' in their sentences, it's showing that you're not a factor to their thought process.

 

Listen, no one relationship is better than the other or absolutely perfect. Healthy couples have their bad days, fight from time to time, and go through periods where they feel like they've matched themselves up with a complete moron. But those who are mature enough will work things out. They will go hand in hand and fight the good fight together, making their partnership stronger than it was before. It may take a few failed relationships before you find your matching counterpart, but they do exist if you're willing to go for it. It is in our best interest to remain aware of the words and actions of the people we invest ourselves in. While we are the ones in charge of our own happiness, Life has a funny way of making us desire of wanting to unite in it with our Mr. or Ms. Right. This is a more than possible feat if you take the list above into consideration along on the journey. Remember; Love is supposed to make you better, not bitter.

Author
Contributor

Explore YourTango