Taylor Swift has been splashed across almost every magazine in the past few weeks, telling story after story about yet another failed relationship and her tendency to get over someone by getting “under” someone new. The twenty-something country crooner is beautiful and successful, but it seems she can’t break the three-month relationship cycle.
Perhaps it’s because she has a “broken picker,” or maybe it’s just that she’s 22 years old and has no idea what she really wants. Whatever the case, Swift is repeating the same mistakes in each and every relationship. Her romantic trysts are unable to move past the infant stage. With actors and boy-banders alike (even a Kennedy!), the songstress dives in head-first each time – and comes out like a drowned rat within a few months.
When you begin dating after divorce, you’re actually in a similar position to Swift. You might not know what you want; you might be jumping in too fast; or you might believe that someone new can take away the heartache of a failed relationship. And, unlike Swift, you are most certainly very out of practice. So what lessons might we be able to learn from the Queen of Heartbreak herself?
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1. Don’t jump into a relationship too quickly. After a relationship’s gone wrong, take time to assess what you learned and how it can inform future choices. We call this the “Dating Fast” at Dating with Dignity because a “cleanse” from a relationship can help you reconnect to who you are outside of that relationship, help you refine your relationship goals, and aide you in making adjustments to your “picker.”
Once you’re in a space where you want a partner rather than need or crave companionship, you’re most likely ready to return to the dating pool. When you’re dating, take time to get to know someone fairly well before either of you decides you want to take it to the next level. This phase of “data dating” (collecting data about him/her while simultaneously having fun and creating new shared experiences) can last somewhere between one and three months, which is generally a good time frame for figuring out if this new person meets your needs.