Resilience in Dating: Top 10 Tips from Dr. Margaret Paul


Resilience in Dating: Top 10 Tips from Dr. Margaret Paul
Dating has its ups and downs so it is essential to keep your emotions in check to stay positive

Describe how the SelfQuest software program can be used effectively to navigate the emotional waters of dating? Such as a break-up, rejection, having to let someone down knowing that the friendship will end as a result? The ongoing use of SelfQuest leads to ever-deeper valuing and connection with your true self, and the healing of deep levels of shame and self-abandonment, as well as to the experience of the comfort and wisdom of your personal source of spiritual guidance. This enables you to compassionately embrace the heartbreak of break-ups and the endings of friendships. The deepening of your inner and spiritual connection that occurs over time through using SelfQuest enables you to lovingly manage the loss of connection with others. Your inner relationship with yourself becomes your primary relationship, so that when others leave or reject you, you no longer feel alone and abandoned, because you are no longer abandoning yourself. The practice of Inner Bonding through SelfQuest enables you to feel filled with love, even in the face of rejection. Your relationships are no longer about getting love, but about sharing your love with those who want to share their love with you.

Are there any specific practices in Inner Bonding that can make the difference on a date? Not necessarily to create a lasting romance but to keep one's emotions in check so that expectations can be managed in a healthy and grounded way? It is the ongoing practice of the six steps of Inner Bonding that eventually heals the woundedness/self-abandonment that leads to expectations of other and frequent disappointment. The more you practice taking responsibility for, and learning from, your own feelings of anxiety, aloneness, loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, anger and so on, the more centered you are able to be on a date. The more you learn to love and value yourself, the less authority you give your date to define your worth, and the fewer expectations you have of your date.


How can Inner Bonding be utilized to get over a breakup or lingering feelings of rejection? Inner Bonding is a compassionate process of self-healing. The more you learn to access the compassion, caring, understanding, gentleness, tenderness and kindness that is Spirit, the easier it is to manage the painful heartbreak of a relationship ending. Feelings of rejection often indicate self-rejection, and the practice of Inner Bonding enables you to stop causing the lingering feelings of rejection through the compassionate steps of Inner Bonding. The more you learn to value yourself, the less rejected you feel by others.

If someone can't seem to move on from a failed romance despite their best efforts, what is the root cause, and are there particular strategies you would recommend they try to heal the real root cause of their discomfort? Clearly it is about them and not an external person or situation that creates the circumstances and emotional experiences they are going through. Not being able to move on indicates a deep level of self-abandonment. They continue to focus on the other person and what they want from them rather than on taking loving care of themselves. Inner Bonding is a powerful process for healing the root cause of not being able to move on – which is self-abandonment. I suggest they devote themselves to learning and practicing Inner Bonding. They will find if they are consistent with their practice, they will be able to move on from a failed romance.

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