Resilience in Dating: Top 10 Tips from Dr. Margaret Paul

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Resilience in Dating: Top 10 Tips from Dr. Margaret Paul
Dating has its ups and downs so it is essential to keep your emotions in check to stay positive

From her Huffington Post profile: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a bestselling author of eight books, a relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process -- featured on "The Oprah Show," and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a free Inner Bonding course and visit our website for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions are available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

What are they key traits of people who are emotionally healthy and resilient enough to be dealing with the natural disappointments that happen in dating world? Emotionally healthy people have learned to not take rejection personally. Instead of making others responsible for their sense of worth, they have learned to define their own self-worth. Because they value themselves, they recognize that rejection is more about the other person than about them. They have also learned to manage painful feelings, such as heartbreak, with compassion for themselves.

For those who are more vulnerable to rejection, what do you recommend they do to buffer themselves against the feelings of letdown that may come with rejection? They are vulnerable to rejection because they are rejecting themselves in various ways. They may be rejecting themselves with self-judgments, with ignoring their feelings, with turning to addictions to avoid responsibility for their feelings, and/or with making others responsible for their sense of safety and worth. They need to learn to love and value themselves, and take responsibility for their own sense of safety and self-worth, which is what the Inner Bonding process teaches them to do.

Not everyone is honest. It is not uncommon for a man or woman to go on a date with someone just to use them as a "comparison shop item" to convince them that they choose the right boyfriend or girlfriend. For the person who was inadvertently used by another, what is the best way to train themselves to bounce back in a healthy way? They need to learn to not take this personally - it is not about them. It is about what is going on with the other person. Most of us have the ability to tune in and feel whether or not someone is being honest, but many of us have learned not to trust our inner wisdom. If they can see each experience as an opportunity to learn to trust their inner wisdom, then they will have benefitted from the experience and will bounce back easily. The more they practice Inner Bonding, the more they learn to trust their inner knowing.

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