You are in a pretty good relationship right now, where the two of you get along well. Perhaps your one-year dating anniversary is coming up. Perhaps you have just gotten engaged and announced it publicly. Maybe you are further than that and have already started making the wedding arrangements; deposits have been given. Almost all your friends are envious. Yet, deep inside, you have a nagging feeling that you may to call it quits. The feeling started out small, probably as a momentary thought you perceived ridiculous and quickly dismissed. However, with every passing day, this “ridiculous thought” continues to creep up at different instances and you find it annoying or worrisome. Don’t fret. You are not the first one to experience this.
It can be surprising how many people, when reflecting back on their lives, knew not only that they should have called off their relationship, engagement or wedding, but they even knew the very moment when it should have happened. There were times when a small red flag drew its ugly head and we ignored them, not wanting to discuss them for fear of embarrassment or starting a fight.
Hold on a second...we are talking about your life. When you have a nagging feeling that won’t go away, you must wake up! Listen to it, and decide whether it bears any truth or not. Whatever stage you are in, if you are hesitant to call off your relationship, here are five warning signs that can help you decide.
1. The Ex is still around: Being friends with an ex is not necessarily a bad thing. However, having a “friendship” with an ex that is a little too comforting suggest that someone is not ready to let go and move forward. Whether it is you or your partner behaving this way, a classic sign that this is happening is comparison of the new partner to the ex. Who ever it is, one of you needs time for closure before any new relationship can be successful.
2. Infidelity: One of the biggest red flags that the relationship is failing. Everyday, so many people are cheated on by their partner, and yet, the relationship continues. Most of the time, it happens not because someone is a philanderer, but because there is a void or issue that one or both sides are not willing to discuss. The issue is not going to go away on its own.
3. There is a missing link: Communication between you two is good, but certain fundamental issues either have not been discussed or cannot be agreed upon. Issues, such as how many children, which religion for the kids, house chore division, where to live, where to celebrate the holidays are crucial questions to be answered in order for the relationship to last.
4. Your parent’s aren’t on board: When parents voice that the your partner is not a good fit for you, their advice should be considered. Your parents know you better than anyone else. They love you and have your best interest at heart. Even if they may not be the best people for advice, they do have the advantage of being an outside observer and can see things you cannot.
5. You have a gut feeling: Too often, our instincts warn us to take heed and we don’t listen. If your gut is telling not to move forward, it is best to call it off and understand why. At the very least, you should temporarily call it off until the feeling passes. If your relationship is meant to be, your gut feeling will guide you to resolve whatever looming issue you may have.