These top fear-based relationship myths won't derail your love life unless you let them.
You've probably been hearing about the Tim Geithner–coined phrase, "fiscal cliff." Due to a combination of scheduled spending cuts (to control debt) and tax increases, the U.S. economy could be in for some rough economic times in 2013. In the face of a financial crisis, scare tactics are the most popular way to get someone to pony up for whatever brand of insurance you're selling. Alarmism, however, is a crippling pathos that can derail every facet of your life, especially your love life. Here are five fear-based relationship myths, debunked.
1. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Nope. While not a damn person can cite these numbers, the consensus is that around 20% of cheaters are into serial infidelity. If he (or she!) isn't a total dill hole, you probably figure out a plan to keep various parts in various pants.
2. All the good ones will be taken! Plus, did you know you have a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than getting married after 40! Incorrect. Our friends at Snopes break down the latter apocrypha. As for the former, you're meeting a man (or woman!) not going to the semi-annual shoe sale at Filene's Basement. Your dude may be divorced, widowed, older, younger, short, fat, silly, frumpy, ginger, left-handed, mouth breathing or any of nine dozen other things that didn't make your must-have list. It doesn't mean preclude him (or her!) from being an outstanding partner and spouse.
3. You can't have it all. This one is, unfortunately, somewhat true. But you can have most of it. Per the Counsel On Contemporary Families, almost 40% of babies are born to mothers over 30. They go on to say that 90% of 35-year old can get pregnant WITHOUT aid. Sure, there are complications but if you want to spend your 20s and early 30s making waves on Wall Street... feel free. I, for one, will start using a condom with women over 35.
4. I have to work on myself before I can even think about a relationship. Ugh. I get it; we're all the quarterback on our march towards enlightenment. Guess what? The goalposts are constantly moving. Thinking that you have to be the perfect you to meet the perfect person for you is a weird form of solipsism that makes good enough impossible. There's a pretty good chance that you think farting is funny, so stop taking yourself so seriously.
5. His bad credit will ruin your life. The credit rating and bond-rating agencies hold power disproportional to their usefulness. Don't blow up TransUnion's headquarters (they probably keep your information in a bomb-proof safe), have a look what CNN has to say about making it work with a spouse whose FICO score is lower than his IQ.
The things that are going to make you least happy in a relationship are worry, dread and general pessimism. Experts and statistics only tell the story from a very specific point of view. Don't let the naysayers make your story end in a smoldering heap at the bottom of Debby Downer Gulch.
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