How to date successfully as an independent woman in today’s society
Successful, independent, beautiful, sassy, chic, powerful and tenacious are all badges of honour that women wear to describe the modern women’s freedom to be all she can be. Unfortunately, those same esteemed titles lead to another title for women: SINGLE!
Yes, we all like to prove our successes but the reality is that most men prefer the nurturer and none of these above characteristics attract the opposite sex, or at least not the ones we would be interested in. If you are this type: “Alpha Female”, you have had your share of “accepting” less than you deserve just to find a glimmer of hope of finding love.
Personally, I have dated the thirty year old broke student, the unemployed forty-something “has been” and even a twenty-something pretend pilot. We accept all their flaws unconditionally including: I have no money to take you out; I don’t like to plan too far ahead excuse for a date 3 days away and the ultimate acceptance of Erectile Dysfunction.
Should we as successful women really have to “settle” so far beneath our capabilities to acquire a companion? The answer is: likely if you continue the same pattern of finding that significant other. Here are my top ten tips for achieving success when dating:
1. Change your brand – Although your brand has been successful for your career it most likely needs to be adjusted for the different audience. The product doesn’t need to change but the marketing does. For example, when filling out an online dating profile, talk about your nurturing qualities and not your business skills. I was a big sister, I like to bake cookies, I help my elderly neighbor, etc. are good examples.
2. Keep the mystery – Don’t divulge your entire life story from day one. Men are not communicators by nature and really don’t want to know too much. Don’t tell them more than they have asked for but don’t make it seem like you are hiding anything either.
3. Let them lead – Don’t call and ask for dates or call them just to talk. If they are not calling, they are just not that into you. If you need to talk call your best friend instead!
4. Be a challenge – When they do call or ask you out don’t be too accessible. Make them give you proper notice. They need to know you have a life and it is a privilege to part of it. Keep the phone calls brief and have an excuse to politely get off the phone within 10 minutes. Be a challenge but don’t make them think you are not interested either.
5. Let them think they control the conversation – Men like to talk about themselves and really are not that interested in what others have to say. They are better talkers than listeners for the most part but they are not great at talking either. They like to feel the power of controlling the conversation even if you are the real one controlling it. Use your given womanly skills to draw them out and get them talking about themselves.
6. Dress the part – If you want a one night stand then dress that way but if that is not what you are looking for then stick with conservative clothing that sets the right tone. Subdued colours in solid prints works best and shows your nurturing side. Vibrant red says lets have hot fun so stay clear of vibrant colours until the timing is right.
7. Network in the right places – You are not likely going to meet Mr. Successful hanging out at the local tavern. Get involved with activities that your dream candidate would likely be involved in. Attend alumni events, gyms, charitable functions and business networking functions.
8. Get rid of the laundry list – It is so easy to look at someone and discard them for some frivolous reason. It is instinct to look at what we don’t like in someone before we look at what we do like in them. For example, unless you are short I am sure you have somewhere in your past have passed over someone because of their height. In a very small percentage of relationships is the man shorter than the women. That is a fact but height is a silly reason not to be interested in someone. Make a list of the top 5 things you don’t want in a man to use as a guide and watch your possibilities grow.
9. Deal with your issues – I am sure we have issues to deal with but getting rid of them is the best solution before entering a relationship. Baggage is guaranteed but if you are struggling with baggage that can be dealt with then take care of it. If your credit is maxed, get a plan to get out of debt. If you’re unhappy in your job, find a new one. If you are overweight, go on a healthy diet. Unloading the stressors in your life will make you more confident and attractive as a partner.
10. Be honest – Trust is readily given at first but it only takes a small lie to erode that trust forever. Trying to hide your true self is not the goal but unveiling it in little containable packages at a time is better than putting it all out there and scaring someone off. Give them the opportunity to see both your successful and nurturing sides but don’t lie about who you are.
For more great advice please visit: www.actualmatch.com