Of course I think I should have found someone by now but according to some census there are more singles in 2012 over the age of 30 or 35 than people who are coupled in North America. Us solo adults are all in good company. On the other hand there is something innately serene about getting to a stage in life where you have something to live for beyond the promotion or the next trip to Europe. Whenever I look at pictures of family Matriarchs their eyes have a peace in them that is priceless. Matriarchs are women who sacrificed personal freedom for their children and grandchildren. These women may not have had the carefree 20's because they had obligations to a husband and family. Yet they arrive in middle age with an accomplishment of being able to see the fruits of those sacrifices in the generations they helped create. Towards the end of their life, such a woman leaves behind living legacies. There really is something sacred about affirming life by giving life.
Yes, it all comes down to family, home, and hearth. My boss asked me at the end of the work day what my birthday plans were for the evening. I said that I was going to my parents house for a home cooked dinner with them. He commented that spending time with family is the best because as fun and amazing as friends are, nothing is better than family. Words of an old soul who is younger than I at age 30. Words that are absolutely true, piercing, and confronting. Evolutionary wise, a new family traditionally replaces the old. While there is nothing new with me writing about it in this personal narrative, each experience of wondering whether you will always have family, is probably as deep and personal to any individual who faces that question.
So, as I enter my 33rd year of life the speculation as to whether I will ever have that privilege of being called mom (by a human instead of a cat or dog) or share this life with a significant other (to stand by to), is at the forefront of my birthday thoughts. Once upon a time, when I was 25, my mind had those kind of thoughts on the back-burner. I do not think it is my gender and chronological age that has brought these life concepts to the front and center of my cognition. Rather the all too human ability to engage in active awareness of the "what's so" of one's life is the culprit. At the end of the day there are just some things you would trade the world for. Humans were designed to connect and be part of a clan. Anything contrary to that is almost a crime against our evolution as a species and a betrayal of our souls. So my birthday wish is to create someone else in this world who can celebrate a birthday instead of me. Their birth day is the only gift I'll ever need and want.