The kind of woman who gets the unwavering attention and affection so many other women crave from their partners is the one who is in a good place emotionally. She doesn't demand anything from him and she doesn't need anything from him. Instead, she sees and appreciates him for who he is and she is OKAY if there are times when he doesn't do exactly what she wants. This, in turn, makes him want to go above and beyond for her.
When a woman is unstable, or carrying hurt/pain/insecurities, she will pressure her man to act a certain way in order to feel better about the situation, not because she actually needs him to text five times a day. If a woman is holding onto these pains and fears, she isn't coming from a place of love, she's coming from a place of needing to control her man and the relationship or her self-esteem will suffer.
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Men never ever respond well to demands. Men want to be wanted, not needed. (More: A Guy's Take on Neediness)
The moral of the story is to work on yourself and get yourself to a good place internally, a place where you can receive what he has to give, not one that makes you feel empty and alone when your guy doesn't do every single thing you want exactly how you want it. Emotional development takes work, so here is a helpful way to know if you're coming from a place of neediness so you can hopefully begin to work on it. (More: On Loving Yourself and Being More Confident)
When you feel disappointed/frustrated/angry by something your guy is doing and try to force him to change, you should ask yourself if you're doing it for you or for him. For instance, if you want your guy to be more emotionally supportive, ask yourself if you want this because it would be beneficial for him in his life to be more sensitive or is it because you feel unstable/insecure and need his re-assurance or you'll feel abandoned? Or maybe you need it in order to feel more confident in the relationship.
Going back to our previous example, why is it you want him to text more often? Is it because you feel that being in constant communication with strengthen the relationship and make it better for you of you, or is it because you're unsure about his feelings and use his texts as a barometer for how he feels?
If you can step back and examine your true motivations for wanting something out of your guy, you will gain important insight into yourself. You will also create space to see the situation more objectively and will be better able to act without pushing your guy away.
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- Sabrina Alexis, co-founder of anewmode.com and co-author of the book He's Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man's Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want.