Recently, one of my clients decided to divorce.
Recently, one of my clients decided to divorce. They told me they would therefore not be requiring coaching anymore.
You may be thinking that this is a failure, that relationship coaching did not help them and so it is logical that they would not want to continue seeking help.
Well actually, this is where people and couples sometimes get misled about relationship coaching.
Relationship coaching is not about fixing the relationship at all costs. It is not just about finding the right ways and tools to communicate.
Relationship coaching is about looking at the relationship, observing what is happening - or not happening - and using the awareness that comes from that observation to help couples build new bridges of understanding toward each other.
My job is to "reveal the relationship to itself", so that the partners experience their relationship and create one that works for both of them.
Strategies and tools of communication cannot work efficiently if they are not based on understanding the other and if there is no deep respect that accompany them.
So when a couple decides to divorce after merely a few sessions of relationship coaching, and tells me that they do not require coaching anymore it means that they haven't been clear on the purpose and possible outcomes of a relationship coaching process.
Sometimes relationship coaching, by revealing the imbalances of the relationship and the underlying toxicity of it, brings couples to be worse off than better for a while. This is because when they come to see, things start to be brought up, to emerge and this can make it difficult.
It is important to understand that these low points are sometimes necessary to give birth to something new and more powerful.
So even if you are divorcing or think you may be, relationship coaching can actually help you design how you want it to be during the divorce, what kind of atmosphere you want to have as divorcees. Sometimes it even brings couples back together as they start to really understand and experience themselves and their partner differently.
As Arnold Mindell said, " happiness is a good thing, but not nearly as powerful as awareness".
Please share your thoughts about what you expect from a relationship coach versus a counsellor, and whether you have thought about seeking help even though you are divorcing. I would be interested to know, it may not be too late!