Love, Self

Is Your Guy Kitchen-Shy? How To Turn Him Into A Top Chef

couple cooking together

There's no question: These days, cooking is cool, especially for men. Primetime TV is chock-full of sexy, macho men who aren't afraid to tie on an apron, whip up a culinary masterpiece and then, as in the case of Anthony Bourdain, roar off into the sunset on their very manly motorcycles. As London's Daily Mail pointed out in an article last year about the rise of the "gastrosexual," cooking—for our generation of men—has become more of a hobby than a household chore. It's also become a tool for seduction.

With this in mind, I asked some experts for advice on how to turn our men into the cooking beasts they were always meant to be.

Expert #1: Rocky Fino

"Cooking is an aphrodisiac," Rocky Fino, author of sex&tag=tangomagcom-20">Will Cook For Sex: A Guy's Guide to Cooking, tells me. "The act alone is an allure to your significant other. Male chivalry is its own attraction."

While the male home chef may be en vogue, there are still men out there who are afraid or simply clueless about how to start cooking, especially if it's for a significant other. But luckily, there are some easy tips and tricks a novice chef can use to get all Gordon Ramsay on his lady in no time, plus there are a few simple steps said lady can take to help her guy meet his culinary goals.

For starters: "Keep it simple," asserts Fino, who strongly advises that couples take baby steps and keep a sense of humor in the kitchen. "Don't try to lay her away with a five-course meal."

Fino says no matter what, remind your guy to have fun: "[Guys should] always wear the apron. It's irresistible to women! Play the role. When all else fails, have your credit card ready. It's time to go out."

Expert #2: Daniel Duane

Daniel Duane, author of How to Cook Like a Man: A Memoir of Cookbook Obsession, says the first thing a woman needs to do is buy her guy a good knife and a large cast-iron skillet.

"Men like tools, and there's nothing like a really beautiful knife," Duane tells me. "We like to feel that we're competent in worldly skills—like being able to change the oil in your car or a bike tire for your girlfriend. There's a version of that in the kitchen." 

More from YourTango:

Once your man has his tools, Duane says that a good place for him to start is learning to properly sear a steak in the cast-iron skillet. As a guy, he may be interested in the scientific knowledge that goes along with cooking: letting the meat come to room temperature before you cook it, salting it instantly to avoid drawing water out of the steak, drying the meat first with paper towels, avoiding olive oil so as not to disrupt the fatty meat.

Despite your opinions about bargaining in relationships, Duane says it's a great method for getting your man to help in the kitchen.

"Tell him if he can cook dinner, he can make anything he wants," Duane says. He also recommends gifting your man with a copy of Tom Collichio's Think Like a Chef ("It works well for the male mind. It's geared toward basic core techniques.") and Harold McGee's On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen ("It's the classic text on food science. It explains the 'why' of everything—exactly what is happening to the sugars on a tomato when you sear it or what is going on with proteins when you roast them.")

Expert #3: Matt Thompson

Matt Thompson, author of The Man Cave Cookbook series, has broken down his advice based on a man's personality type: kitchen-shy, clueless or, even, defensive:

1. Kitchen-Shy: "If your man is kitchen-shy, he may be afraid [he's going to] make a mistake in the kitchen. Start by giving lots of verbal encouragement and praise—in advance of cooking together. Then assign him a few easy tasks that he can easily accomplish, even if it's just filling the spaghetti pot with water and turning on the heat. Lifting heavy pots and rinsing veggies can keep him in the kitchen while you make dinner together."

2. Clueless: "Your man can open a can but he doesn't know a paring knife from a butter knife. The good news is that this guy is ready, willing and able to get going in the kitchen—with you. Roll up your sleeves together and ask him to help with an intermediate task, like sautéing half a chopped onion in two tablespoons of butter. Put the pan on the stove to heat, then when it's good and hot, ask him to drop the butter in the pan at just the right time so it sizzles. Then ask him to add the onions, which the two of you can stir together."

3. Defensive: "Some guys are naturally defensive about their skills (or lack thereof) and it's no different in the kitchen. He hates being told what to do. It's all about control. There's a need to do it right the first time AND look good doing it. If he loves chocolate cake, you can make the batter and give him control of the electric mixer. If he loves chili, give him the control of the Cayenne and let him decide on how hot to make it."

Success Story:

Abby Bennett is a Philadelphia-based graphic designer who has helped transform boyfriend Chris' kitchen habits since they started dating a year ago. 

"The first time I opened his freezer, I almost walked out," Abby says. "One frozen pizza and a box of frozen waffles. Now he eats all organic and loves going to the local farmer's market." The couple has designated Monday nights as "his" night to cook; a recent Monday evening menu included roast pork tenderloin with sweet potato fries—quite the far cry from preparing a frozen pizza. Abby stays nearby for support.

"I find recipes for him, and I sit in the living room doing work while he cooks. I'm there if he has any questions, but I don't go into the kitchen! It's fun to watch him try so hard." 

Recipes:

To help your man get started, here are two recipes from the original Man Cave Cookbook, courtesty of author Matt Thompson.

Breakfast
Man Cave Quiche
(Serves 4-8)
"Easy man-size breakfast with plenty of leftovers." ~ Matt Thompson

12 eggs
1 (1 lb.) pkg. bacon
1 pkg. uncooked hash brown potatoes
1 pkg. shredded mozzarella cheese
1 medium onion
2 tsp. black pepper
1 Tbsp. parsley
2 tsp. salt

Preheat oven to 375° F. Fry bacon until crispy. Let cool. Fry hash browns until crispy. Let cool.  Dice onion. Crumble bacon into small pieces.
In a large mixing bowl, combine hash browns, cheese, onion, bacon, pepper, parsley and salt. Mix well. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing after each addition. Mix thoroughly.

Grease two casserole dishes or glass pans. Spray dishes with non-stick spray or brush with olive oil, making sure corners are well greased.

Divide mixture into both pans and bake for 60 minutes.

Check to make sure eggs are fully cooked by inserting a sharp knife in center of pan. If nothing sticks, you are ready to go.

Dinner
BBQ New York Strip Steak
(Serves 4)

4 (1/2 lb.) New York strip steaks
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup minced garlic
1/4 cup steak seasoning
1 Tbsp. red wine vinegar
1/2 tsp. dried basil
1/2 tsp. Italian seasoning

In a bowl, mix the olive oil, Worcestershire sauce, garlic, steak seasoning, red wine vinegar, basil, and Italian seasoning.  Pour into a large resealable plastic bag.

Pierce steaks on all sides with a fork, and place in the bag. Gently shake to coat. Seal bag and marinate steaks a minimum of 2 hours in the refrigerator.

Preheat grill for high heat. Lightly oil the grill grate. Discard marinade. Place steaks on the grill, and cook 7 minutes on each side, or to desired doneness.

YourTango may earn an affiliate commission if you buy something through links featured in this article.