Dating Expert Julie Spira Reveals Where The Good Men Are Hiding!

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julie spira
YourTango's interview with Julie Spira, the dating expert who helps singles find love online.

6. If you could tell your younger self something you've since learned about love, sex, and/or relationships, what would that be?

I have a saying: "Every relationship serves a purpose, but is limited." I realized this after my heart was broken many years ago, and it helped me move forward with my life. Love is the happiest four-letter word that I know, and there are several types of love, including emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual. I teach women to be confident, not to settle, and help them understand that being in a relationship with the wrong person is a huge mistake.

 

Also, remember that a lifetime male friend will last longer than a relationship with a "hottie" than runs its course. Cast a wide net when you meet a man. If you're dating online and meet someone who doesn't look like his or her photos, don't be rude. Think about expanding your social circle. You might meet a new friend, a business contact, or if you're lucky, you just might fall in love. Falling in "like" isn't winning second prize. It can be even more rewarding and enrich your life. Romantic Facebook Posts: Thumbs Up Or Down?

Know that if and when you do get your heart broken, there's more than one person who can be "The One." Just like there are many colors in the Crayola box, the next person you fall in love with just might be a different flavor from the types of guys you're used to and who didn't work out.

7. Fill in the blanks: I'm a sucker for a man who __________.

I'm a sucker for a man who can play "Name That Tune" with me. Seriously, I love music — and holding hands at a concert with my guy, while singing songs together, is incredibly sexy. As a result, when I hear a particular song on the radio, it will remind me of him and make me smile.

8. Fill in the blanks: I feel sexiest when _____________.

I feel sexiest when I'm wearing a red dress and lipstick, and I am feeling confident.

9. What's the best relationship advice you've ever received?

One day while I was single, I complained to my mother that all the good men were either taken or married. My wonderful mother replied with, "No, they're not. They get discarded by women who don't appreciate them." She added, "They'll become available again for a very small window of time, as a smart woman will grab [a guy like that] quickly." My mother is a wise woman. The best advice I give to singles is to be authentic. Sure, we know most people lie about their age, weight or height in their online dating profiles, but it's not a good way to start a relationship. A confident man or woman who's authentic rises to the top of anyone's totem pole.

10. In your experience, when it comes to romantic relationships, what is the biggest difference between men and women?

There used to be a day when rich men wanted pretty women, so men worked hard to build their empire while women struggled with yo-yo diets. Women also sat by the phone waiting for the men to call. I don't believe the differences between the two genders are so great anymore. With everyone logging onto Facebook and posting photos or creating online dating profiles, both men and women are making visual decisions. Women are now making the first move more often, and they've even become aggressors when it comes to sex these days. Men often put their cards on the table on a first date to let the woman know they want to have a serious relationship and aren't interested in serial dating. From where I sit, I see the digital playing field evening out a bit. Still, most women prefer that the man says "I love you" first, and that the man be the one to propose marriage.

Read more articles by Julie Spira on YourTango!

 
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