I know you’re going through pain. I know as a woman you love to talk and let everything out. But choose only one or two truly close friends to do this with. Or better yet, just chew off your Mom’s ear, that’s what mothers are for. If you start bad mouthing your soon-to-be ex-husband all around town, he’s going to eventually hear it, and that’s where there the division of friends comes in full swing with no mercy.You do not want third-party battles, or to make people that are close to you feel uncomfortable. Inevitable, whenever you’re venting to a large group of people, they will choose one person or another because you’ve forced it upon them. And that’s not fair for anyone. Some of you may have life-long friends, and it’s okay for them to be friends with the both of you. So be the bigger person and keep them out of it. Go out and find a counselor or therapist. But do not make your divorce the talk of the town.
4. The children are not pawns: This one should seem real simple, I actually shouldn’t even have to mention this. However, it seems like in every divorce that I’ve ever coached a client through, the children are used as pawns. Watch your words carefully. They’re hurting right now. Daddy is no longer there. They don’t understand it, especially the young ones, and even the teenagers have a lot of anger.
You need to speak to your children explain to them what is going on, but keep your tone positive. This may too be obvious but to emphasize, the kids should never be forced to chose sides. Never ever make dad the bad guy. He may no longer be your husband, but he’s still a father to your kids. Remember that children still need a good dad, a good role model and an authority figure to look up to.
5. Your dream is over: The perfect picture that you created for the marriage that you thought you deserved is over. You’re probably going to have to go back to work. The alimony will run out. You may have to get day care for the young kids. Reality is now setting in, and you need to accept it as quickly as possible in order to heal in a decent amount of time.