10 Plausible Reasons Why You Ignored My Email Last Night

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Self

Will he ever respond?

by Panty Parade / Off Go the Panties

Drunken dialing while stone, cold sober may sound like an anomaly, but I assure you, it does occur. The moments when I’m all alone and wishing I was not and trying to make the best of the situation with my moist fingers or vibrating toy sneak up and take hold. I get it in my head that it’s a good idea to reach out to a lover or friend to see if he could come over. Maybe we could hang out and drink a few beers? Maybe we could get down and dirty and sinful while acting out our wildest fantasies?

I start with Naughty Cowboy and shoot off a text: Horny girl seeks Cowboy. I wait and wait. Images of past evenings with Naughty Cowboy—his aggressiveness mixed with tenderness, our deep conversations, heated games of Yahtzee until a few hours before dawn—filter through my subconscious as I touch myself more vigorously. As my phone beeps his reply, I’m let down to learn that he’s working. Again.

Who shall I call? Who will help me satisfy this nagging longing that grips my body?

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