This is Your Wake-up Call (Or, Story of the Disappointing Penis)

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Buzz, Sex

There's something enticing about hitting on men when you're on a date . . .

by Panty Parade / Off Go the Panties

Waking up disoriented in a strange hotel room sounds like the beginnings of an urban legend. Maybe it was because I hadn’t had all that much to drink the night before OR maybe because my dog was there beside me OR maybe because my host had left hours earlier—but I did not find WELCOME TO AIDS scrawled in lipstick on the bathroom mirror or a stranger soaking in an ice-filled bathtub with a recently removed kidney.

I did find a few spent condoms in the trash.

I also found my panties and dress mixed up in the sheets.

As I made my way across the room filled with dirty clothes, generic whiskey bottles, and half-empty pizza boxes, I became acutely aware of the fact that I was ankle deep in self-loathing. My worn-out, haggard expression staring back at me in the mirror only confirmed the pieces of memory floating back into my consciousness.

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Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.
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