But there have been plenty of times during the course of our marriage where sex was NOT even kind of on the top (or middle?!) of our list of what needed to get done. Young kids, and my dying mother did not make for a super sexy year in 2008. We had sex. But it certainly was not crazy "hot" sex.
With intention and luck we did get through the bland and somewhat disinterested times. And on the other side it has been a connected intimacy that far surpasses the fleeting hotness of the casual one-night insane booty call.
The fantasy of that is still great. But the reality of my life with planned sex, (which can often be super naughty) date night, awesome kids and a full life together is what I love and what I really want.