As I observe the relationships of those around me, I see a lot of my old self and the stupid choices I've made in partners not so long ago. Not to say that everyone else isn't entitled to make similar mistakes, we all learn at different speeds, it just seems that once we reach a certain time in adulthood we should be wising up and no longer being carelessly ruthless with our hearts. Sure, we can see a trainwreck in the works when navigating the worlds of dating or marriage, but we are naturally inclined to hope and strive to make do with what we have anyway, shooting to work things out regardless. We put in so much time and energy that the last outcome we seek is another break up and having to start all over, yet again, probably only to fuck up even worse with the next go round.
But the thing is, it doesn't have to be that way at all. We can choose to stop wllingly accepting subpar behavior. We can choose to see when someone is blatantly an asshole and in every which way wrong for us so that we can draw in someone who is actually good (yes, they do exist). How can this be accomplished? Recognize the signs of an unhealthy partnership before you get in too deep. Over the years, I've repeatedly attracted the same 'man'. I learned to spot him everywhere and have steered clear since. I strive to help other women with this skill as well since I see the type all too often. As a female, I also know how other females can up and ruin a mans world, so I like to assist the men worthy of having a good woman in watching out for the opposite. My list of several lookouts are as follows:
1) If they blame everyone in their past for the end of their relationships and have NOTHING nice to say about any of them, chances are, they won't act any differently with you either when YOUR relationship together doesn't work out (because trust me, it won't). Blamers are convinced the world is working against them and that everyone else is at fault. They may believe they are perfect or quite close enough so that they could never be blamed when things go south. Narcissistic personalities are quite common keepers of this action.
2) Perpetual OR lack thereof pda is a complete red flag. I repeat, a COMPLETE RED FLAG. With social networking a double-edged main staple in todays society, it makes it all the more of grave concern. A partner obessed with praising you online for the world at large to witness is either hiding something and looking to throw you off, or bearing a common symptom of a controlling personality (control should never be a factor in a healthy relationship). A partner who bears no evidence of their affections is typically occupied sharing them with someone else (or possibly everyone else since they can never be satisfied with the attention of only one). Anyone can make the excuse that they are not the 'pda type', but when you love someone, it is impossible not to show, and even more difficult not to WANT to show. It doesn't matter how long you've been together either, you never stop showing you care even after you 'already got them'.