Question from Kirsten B.: My boyfriend always logs into my Gmail account to get access to YouTube, but lately, he’s been asking for my Facebook and Twitter passwords too. I’m just not comfortable letting him have access to those accounts. Am I being too untrusting?
Answers from Our Love Experts:
Tristan Coopersmith, Love Stylist: In my honest humble opinion, it isn’t a matter of your level of trust but rather motive on his part to access your accounts AND motive on your part for wanting to prevent that access. Why does he want in? Has he been accusing you of naughty online behavior? Or does he just look at a password swap as a rite of relationship passage? And for you…why are you withholding? Do you have something to hide? Want to keep your electronic flirting options open? Or is it just a matter of wanting to preserve your independence and privacy? Once you determine both of your motives, I think you will gain clarity on your choice to give up the passwords or not.
Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker: No, you’re not being too untrusting at all! There isn’t any reasonable explanation as to why your boyfriend needs to have access to your Gmail, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter Accounts. If you don’t give him your passwords, he will probably try to spin it and say that you’re hiding something from him. However, it appears that your boyfriend is the one who is insecure and doesn’t trust you. I always tell my clients: if you feel the need to “spy” on your boyfriend or girlfriend through their email or Facebook accounts, then that’s a clear indicator that it’s not a healthy relationship. When it comes to relationships, trust is the true foundation of a good one.
Paige Wyatt, Reality Star: You are not the one that’s being untrusting; he is. I’m sure he has his own Facebook or Twitter account, which means he’s only using your’s to spy on you. He probably doesn’t care what your friends are doing; he wants to know who you’re talking to, what you’re talking about and if there’s any reason that he should be worried. Invasion of privacy is a big red flag in a relationship! You have a right to keep your passwords private, and by wanting access to your accounts, he’s violating that right. If you two are in a serious, healthy relationship, you should be able to talk to each other and share your concerns rather than spy on each other. Ask him why he wants the passwords; be understanding, open and honest with each other. A lot of times men aren’t trying to be offensive or untrusting; they are just a little insecure, and it’s our job to relieve those worries.
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