A friend of mine sent the following quote to me today: "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." - Author Unknown.
This quote is stunningly perfect. I wish I had this in my 20s, although I might not have completely understood this as I do now. It truly sums up how many of us have felt in relationships when we have put the other person first over and over again and coming in maybe tenth with them in their lives. I don't think I need to elaborate too much on this statement, other than please remember to read this as many times as necessary when you find yourself here. Have it become your mantra and do not make excuses for why the person you are dating is not making you a priority.
We left off in the last article touching on excuses. Excuses, excuses, excuses! So you are dating someone and describing this person to your friend and begin to find yourself making excuses for their behavior. Something like "oh, but he had to shoot the gun and kill the puppy because he was peeing on the carpet too much" or perhaps "she needed to sleep with that other guy because she thought that I didn't want a commitment." All right, so the first example was ridiculous and absurd, but I am simply illustrating the lengths that we will go to in order to make excuses for someone's really awful behavior to our friends and family.
The second example was something that a friend actually told me! I tried to bring my friend around to reason, but he wouldn't hear of it and eventually the pair broke up permanently because there was no trust left in the relationship (and she kept fooling around). My friend kept making excuses for her bad behavior and kept trying to find an "out" for her in order to make it okay for him to keep seeing her. He needed to make it feel good to himself that he was still giving this woman a chance even though this was a huge deal breaker for him. He allowed his own boundary to be crossed and remained in the relationship.
Why do we make excuses for the people we date? I think somewhere deep inside ourselves we know the other person is not a fit for us, but we try to make the "square peg fit into a round hole." It's not a fit, but we try hard to shove it in there and make this relationship stick. Come hell or high water, this is going to fit! Here is a good way to know if you are making excuses or if the behavior is something you could overlook and live with.
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