Not sure about no contact? Here's 4 reasons why you should use the no contact rule with an ex.
When trying to get your ex back, the no contact rule with an ex is an extremely integral part of the strategy. Many people don't realize this and often question, "Does The No Contact Rule Work?" What's worse is not knowing why the no contact rule works or why?
1. Damage Control!
Don't deny that break ups are extremely emotional, but for the one who was broken up with, it's a nightmare. Being dumped or rejected sucks. Some can handle it better than others, but many take a huge hit to the ego and pride.
It's quite common to be doubting your self worth shortly after a break up, and it's quite common to feel a barrage of negative emotions such as confusion, frustration, depression, panic and anger.
This can lead you to some really irrational behaviors. Are you constantly calling, emailing, or texting your ex to try to convince them they're wrong about breaking up with you? Do you beg or cry for another chance, or try to buy them back with gifts? Are you trying to win them back by constantly doing overly nice things for them and always being there for your ex?
If you're doing any of the above, I can bet that none of the above methods are working for you. Actually, the only thing you're doing is giving your ex a huge ego boost while making them lose even more attraction and respect for you. All the above is what's called being needy and desperate, and those two qualities are never attractive.
Yes, it's quite common to be in panic mode shortly after being dumped, and this panic mode can have disastrous consequences. What happens when things don't go your way? You're trying so hard to win them back, but have you noticed you're only pushing them further away? Think that won't make you frustrated? Trust me, it will! Guess what happens next?
If you guessed lashing out at your ex happens next, you're correct! But what's worse is that if you're constantly harassing your ex with repeated calls, texts, and emails there's a good chance you're ex will get frustrated and annoyed with you first. The no contact rule keeps you from committing damaging mistakes, as well as doing and saying things you may regret later.
2. Helps To Get Yourself Back!
Okay, let's be honest here. After a break up, you're not really yourself anymore. You're more than likely depressed and heart broken, needy, desperate, and just a mess.
Healing and moving on from the break up is paramount, and it has to be done. The more you stay in contact with your ex, the longer you are delaying this healing process. There's no way you can re-attract your ex again when you're not in an attractive state of mind.
I've heard countless stories from my newsletter members about how they cannot live without their ex or how he or she is the perfect one and how they'll never find anyone else better than them. Does this sound attractive?
If you're thinking these things, you're not in an attractive state. You're actually putting your ex on a pedestal and devaluing yourself immensely. Many people who use the no contact rule after a break up don't realize that the time away from their ex is supposed to be used to get rid of these thoughts and weaken their attachment to their ex.
The main mistake they make is that they cut off communication and pine day and night about their ex. I just went through a love forum and read some guy's online journal about the no contact rule. He was actually detailing it day by day and was on the fourth day. This is an extreme no contact rule blunder.
For one, detailing your no contact rule journey only puts your ex at the forefront of your mind. Huge mistake, and even though most people don't document their no contact experience, a lot of people commit this mistake of keeping their ex constantly on their mind.
You need to accept the break up. Not be in denial about it. Also, you need to work towards moving on from it. Space away from your ex is the time to get yourself back to an attractive place, void of neediness and desperation. You want your ex back. You don't need your ex back.
3. Keeps You From The Dreaded Friend Zone!
The debate about whether you can be friends with your ex or not still rages on. However, facts still support that it is nearly impossible to be friends with your ex if one still desires the other back. If two partners both agree that they're just not right for each other and should remain friends, staying friends with an ex is quite possible if both do not want each other anymore.
Remember that this is hardly the case, and usually one is broken up with unwillingly and still wants the other. Staying friends with an ex that you still want a relationship with is a huge mistake after a break up. Despite what proponents say, this is not being immature. It has nothing to do with it, but has everything to do with putting yourself and your happiness first.
As I've mentioned time and time again, hanging around your ex does no good when you are at a highly emotional and irrational state. Do you really think you handle seeing your ex dating around again. Do you really think you can handle hearing about your ex's adventures in the dating pool? I know I couldn't, and it would drive me crazy.
Too many make the mistake of thinking that the best way to get an ex back is to stay as close to them as possible like some parasite. This is far from the truth, especially if you have not given yourself the proper time to heal and move on.
4. Gives Your Ex The Chance To Miss You!
Believe it or not, but feelings for someone just does not disappear over night. There's a chance that your ex still cares about you. Staying in contact with an ex does not give them the opportunity to find out what life is like without you in it.
Human nature is to take things for granted when they're there, and realize what they miss when they're gone. The truth is that shortly after a break up your ex will only be focused on the negative things about you and relationship. Don't fool yourself about this. There was something that caused them to realize that you were not the one for them any longer. Something was lacking in the relationship that caused them to walk away.
However, it is also factual that these negative thoughts will disappear as time goes on. Give them enough space, and your ex just may start thinking of all the great memories about you and your relationship. You see, this cannot be forced. You can't convince them of this. They have to come to this place on their own, and it usually happens when they start to miss you.
Be warned, however, that just because they miss you doesn't mean they want you back. It only means they miss you as a person and the value you brought to their lives. Too many make the mistake of hinging their chances of getting an ex back only on their ex missing them. It's a huge mistake. Remember, your ex ended the relationship for a reason, and unless you remove what separated you in the first place, no amount of time away from each other will do any good.
These are just 4 reasons why you should use the no contact rule with an ex, and these reasons give a brief insight of how the no contact rule works. Once again, it's vital that you understand no contact as well as what to do during the no contact rule after a break up. Because so many have misconceptions about no contact and use this stage incorrectly, I've written a free ebook called The Rules of No Contact to help give you a step by step guide on what to do and how to correctly use the no contact rule with an ex. So if you're serious about getting your ex back, just click the link.