At sixteen, I had convinced myself from the educated sources of television and movie portrayls that I was at the 'right' age to begin dating and make my virginity a thing of the past. I didn't care to listen to any suggested advice that directed me towards waiting for the 'right' person. Instead, I did what most young ladies do when they begin venturing into the realm of young couplehood, I fell for whoever had the best script at the best opportunity they were given. Having no boyfriend, in my mind, meant that I was a loser and a hideous beast with no prospects. And if you can believe that, even after over a decade of muddling through one disastrous relationship to the next, I believed that self created reasoning until only late last year.
That's a ridiculous amount of time to carry around unnecessary and horribly draining bad self esteem. Like in November a year prior to when I walked away from a four year long stretch of abuse, a light bulb flashed upstairs and I thought, "What sense does it make for me to continue putting some guys needs above my own happiness when everyone I that have been choosing has adamently refused to put MINE first? This isn't right at all. If I'm ever going to get my personal life on track, I need to be comfortable with who I am ALONE first. I am worth being happy too damn it!"
I know I'm not the only person to at one time believe that being Single is one of the worst burdens of the world. When you're dateless/companion-less/spouseless, everywhere you go seems to make you feel like a stranded reject on the Island of Misfit Toys where everyone else has a rightful place. But the ironic thing is, at certain times when we've been in a relationship or marriage for so long that we had once spent so much energy and hopes in finding starts to endure bouts of boredom and the romance temporarily dwindles, those fun and carefree Singles suddenly look to have it much better with their ravishing freedom of late night excursions and lack of rules and obligations that come with being tied down. Everyone goes through these motions throughout their lives, so expectations of who has it better or worse is a moot point. You're going to have times of incredible happiness, anger, sadness, disappointment, and moments of, 'What-the-hell-was-I-thinking-when-I-said-yes-to-dating-that?!'
Even the most seemingly put together couples have off days just like any Single, so we should know better than to put others on unnattainable pedestals. We're all flawed and imperfect. As I've personally been without a certain someone, married, divorced, and spoken for, all over the last eleven years now, it's simple to piece together under each title the outlandish expectations of each status hold and compare them to the realities they actually cast.