Are You Having Sex With a Sexual Mismatch?

I’ve been reading “Who Should You Have Sex With” by Dr. Mark Thompson and have not been terribly surprised by his very masculine take on sexual chemistry. After all, men tend to be very logical and precise in their view of reality. He believes that where sex is concerned, like should always match like. This view mirrors the notion espoused today, that great sex, the chandelier-swinging variety, occurs best in a context where a husband and wife are on the same sexual page.

The idea that a couple needs to be sexually compatible to enjoy a good roll in the hay is not ground-breaking science. And at surface level it seems to make perfect sense. This notion in fact mirrors how we pursue many of our other relationships. From school-days we tend to hang out with those who have similar interests to us. When we enter the world of work this practice tends to continue and we seem to find great comfort in existing in this safety-zone where our points of view and daily practices are not challenged because our close cohorts share them with us. When it comes to our romantic and sexual interests, we understandably apply the same principles. We apparently look for a sexual partner who seems to have similar tastes, values and sexual experiences, even when we are not aware of it.

While this may appear like the safe route, the reality is that sex and our sexuality does not occur in a vacuum. How we experience sex and what we expect of it are heavily influenced by how we were raised, and what we were told about sex. This does not however mean that our sexual style or preferences will remain unchanged. Sex and our sexuality are not static. Our individual sexual tastes can take on a life of their own because they can reflect new sexual information and desires to which we have become exposed. How can a couple then ensure that their sex-life does not suffer because of marked differences in tastes and approach?
I think it is first necessary for a couple to begin on some common ground. Presuming that both parties at least like sex, then, all things being equal, no difference should be so insurmountable as to be the cause of divorce. Perhaps we should examine some of the critical areas where sexual differences could pose a bit of a problem.