Navigating communication in dating in this high tech world
The hierarchy of communication:
Text is largely considered the lowest common denominator in the food chain of communication. Although arguably Facebook chat is lower. I mean you have to have someone’s cell # in order to text, right?
Yet I love texting. It’s quick and efficient and concise. And I am rarely concise- ask my husband. I once told a friend who was editing an interview of mine that I am better when edited, and he wisely said “Everyone’s better when edited.” (Thank you, Dave Adox) And here I babble.
Anyway, text forces me to edit myself, and I appreciate that. Apparently Harvard Magazine reported that young people say phone conversations slow them down. I agree! Yet a lot women (and some men too) feel that it’s rude to text in dating rather than calling. Who has time for all this calling? Who knows how to win at the game of phone tag these days? I sure don’t. These phone-o-philes think that they are standing up for healthy communication and true connection. They often have quite a moral high ground about it. I find their superiority complex on this topic to be unwarranted. The era of the phone call (ala “we talk on the phone every night”) has ended. This battle has been already lost.
I see texting as men’s revenge. The phone call era gave rise to a lot of annoyed guys and the phrase “chewing my ear off.” Many of these guys were pretty keen on technology and thus the text was born. Or maybe Al Gore invented it; I’m not sure.
Texting takes back the night on communication between men and women in dating. It’s true you can be doing 5 other things while you’re texting. Heck, you might even be on a date with another girl, but at least you can tolerate listening when it’s under 160 characters and on your terms. Is that good for relationships? Of course, no way.
Girls, we cannot allow the technology-driven non-verbal single guys who are juggling-5-girls-at-once to be the CEOs of communication in dating. But you can’t beat them either, so join them. Embrace texting, but use it wisely. Be funny, flirty, super-smart, quirky and hard to get. Don’t play hard to get, just be hard to get. Don’t be hard. Let him be hard. (If you’re doing it right, he will be.)
Don’t ever make your text roll over to page 2. Even if you’re on an iPhone, it makes your talk bubble too big. Be cute and coy and fun. But most of all, use it as a means to an end, not an end in itself.
Text is designed for making plans and coordinating schedules. Or at least it’s best used for that purpose in dating. Use texting as a teaser to get a date set up. If a guy’s not using it that way, then you’re a condiment to him. (i.e. he wants to keep you around in the refrigerator for when he needs you, like ketchup. Don’t be ketchup.)
Be the main course. Call me old fashioned, but I believe in the highest form of communication—- meeting in person! That’s why Matchmaker Café focuses on setting up real dates at a real Café. We use technology but it’s only to make the live meeting happen more efficiently. You have to meet to know if there’s chemistry. You have to have dates to get to know each other better. That’s what never goes out of style. Sexting might be stimulating but not nearly as much as actual sex.
So move up the food chain in ur communication & b as bold as u can- I dare u 2 b!