Does he have a problem with alcohol?

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Does he have a problem with alcohol?
A question we are often asked, we look at the issue in a different way, a way that is more useful.

So reframing allows you to approach the issue in a different way.

For example instead of saying “You drink too much, or you have a problem”, which he can, and probably will, deny, you can concentrate instead on the consequences of the drinking. The focus can now shift to the problems that you are aware of and that are more difficult to ignore or deny, his behaviour, time keeping, spending too much money or whatever his drinking pattern disrupts in your home.

 

You can then talk about these issues and how much they affect both of you, your family, friends, work, income, lifestyle and any other issues. Since the focus has moved from alcohol, there should be much less denial, in fact if you concentrate on issues that are obviously a problem you may be able to ask the questions, “Do you think that alcohol contributes to this problem? In what way do you think it contributes? What can we do about it?”

So don’t ask the question does he have a drinking problem where the focus is on him and his drinking. This approach generally leads to denial by him and frustration to you. Instead ask does his drinking adversely affect our life. It is a less threatening approach and opens the door to discussions that could have a more positive outcome.